The final nail in the coffin has been set. My advisor said there was no funds. Getting grant money was especially hard this year. I knew it was coming. I’ve been saying it’s been coming. But it still hurts. That last thread of hope has finally snapped. I will never go back to WPI. On top of that work today was just miserable. One shitty thing after another. Went by fast though. I guess that’s something.
Now I’ve really set my sights on studying abroad. Trying to get into a PhD program in the states under normal circumstances is challenging. Trying to get in under Trump circumstances is near impossible. Trying to go abroad is probably just as hard. I’ve said it so many times again and again but I was lucky to get as far as I did. I never belonged in academia. I never will. But I’ll keep trying. Meekly and pathetically I’ll keep trying. First things first is to get out of that fucking technician job. I need to submit a resume as apart of a PhD application and if all they see I’ve done is fuck around with conveyor belts, my chances will be even worse. Got two more interviews next week. One is a follow up from a phone screening. Usually that’s around the time I fuck up. I’d rather not get into that company as it seems like just a bog standard automation job, but it’s better than nothing. I’m really gunning for the dozen or so jobs I’ve applied to that really seem like they are innovating. That one that dealt with working on the robot arm for the ISS seemed promising. The interviewers seemed to be pleased with my performance. Of course that doesn’t usually mean anything. Most of the other places are developing dumb AMRs to wander around a warehouse carrying shit. The research places I’ve applied to all gave me the cold shoulder. The start ups weren’t interested in me. Regardless of what happens I need “an” engineering job.
Earliest I can see myself getting into a PhD program (a giant IF) is Fall 2027 or Spring 2028. That’s the earliest. I know lots of PhD students are in their 30s, but I wanted to knock out at least most of it in my 20s. Another thing that fat orange fuck took from me. I know I don’t have a chance. Too many things against me and barely anything going for me.
WPI chapter is done. Those people are now permanent strangers to me. I need to move forward. And that means dragging my carcass to a miserable piece of shit job I fucking hate at 3 in the morning.