I could be happy if I was in better circumstances
-living in a better apt/city/state/country.
-had enough money to never have to worry. Money = freedom
-if I had a purpose and knew what my purpose was
-if I found my “soul mate” and we’re having a great life together
-if my health improves
That’s basically the 4 things everyone needs in life to be happy:
-money
-purpose
-love
-health
Missing any of that and you’ll be depressed.
Everyone here is missing one of those things.
11 comments
Do you think maybe a person could survive with money, purpose & health but no love?
I kinda had that for a while and it seemed to work, but things eventually fell apart and I’m wondering if it was the lack of love. That would kinda suck because some of us are so damaged that we’re literally unlovable. Not saying that lightly, I think some people are just too messed up for anyone else to handle, literally beyond hope. The movie Leaving Las Vegas is about that, and although it’s fiction it a little too real.
Survive? Yes. Definitely. I did that and accomplished a lot with- no money and no love- but I had my health and I had purpose.
But can one be HAPPY without love? Well, that’s a different question. If you have purpose, you kind of have “self love” to some extent. If you have purpose and a strong drive- One can be “happy enough “in the short term without love- as long as you THINK you will find love at some point. But the purpose take precedence.
Usually, one finds “love” when they’re out doing things, not staying home isolated and depressed.
I had such a strong determination to succeed and get out of my shit situation as a kid. I had no money and no love, but I had ME. and that was enough bc I believed in myself. “Me” and “I” fueled every success and accomplishment. If I hadn’t gotten sick, and if I hadn’t been in the grips of a narcissist who completely and purposefully shattered my self-confidence, I probably would be having a pretty decent life right now.
It’s sad to think one tiny change and my life would be so different. I ALMOST fucking made it out. I mean, I DID make it out. But I fell victim to a POS narcissist. And that was after my first car accident that did my health in. AND on top of that, I couldn’t get a damn dr to actually do anything about my health back when I could’ve been “saved.”
Fucking shitty ass drs. I went to several- PCPs are the WORST. And back then, you couldn’t just book an appt to a specialist- depending on state, you were forced to see a PCP to get a referral for EVERYTHING. and these PCPs wouldn’t refer me for a goddamn thing.
screwed upon screwed. maybe the universe really does want to fuck with me. bc no matter what i did, no matter how much i accomplished, i was always ensnared by evil narcissists, and had hundreds- yes hundreds- of shitty ass drs that never did anything to help, as well as being victim to chronically bad luck.
Anyway, I digress. But one CAN be happy enough with money purpose and health. When you have purpose, you have some modicum of self-love. and that is enough to keep someone going. self-love is way more important than outside love. i mean obviously, we’d want both. but if no outside love, inner love (or some degree thereof) is enough fuel, IF you have purpose/drive. I had it once. I was “fine” back then.
Everything fell apart when
1- I realized life was bullshit
2- I realized school/jobs/meritocracy/hard work was bullshit
3- When I got sick
4- I realized ppl are selfish and only there to get something FROM you, that most friends are NOT real friends. not by a longshot.
I don’t think I am beyond hope- I just need 2 things- enough money so I can be free to do what I want to do and live where I want to live- and someone who loves, supports and believes in me (physically, emotionally, etc).
If I had those 2 things- then my health would improve.
If I had those 3 things- I wouldn’t be so depressed.
Whether I’d be fully “happy” is another thing. Especially since my health cannot be “fully” healed. But I wouldn’t be so fucking miserable and depressed. That’s for fucking sure.
Yup I agree that happiness requires a lot more than survival. And we all need happiness at some baseline level.
Sometimes we can find happiness in our purpose. Or heck, we can find happiness in money or good health. But those aren’t the same as happiness that comes through a different human being.
Also, as you pointed out, all it takes is 1 hard knock to destroy you. If you don’t have love to fall back on, then an injury or a financial loss or questioning your purpose can lead to a fast spiral.
Hell, I suppose heartbreak could lead to a fast spiral, and often does, if the person can’t fall back on purpose, money or health.
In other words, you need everything you can get your hands on.
And if you only have 1 or 2 of those things… or none… then you’re screwed.
“And if you only have 1 or 2 of those things… or none… then you’re screwed.“
—story of my life. Born disadvantaged, without a loving family, with no money. There was very little chance I could make it out sane and happy and financially well off. Just wasn’t in the cards, no matter how smart I was or how hard I worked. I’m fucking tired. And Where’s my fucking “Prince Charming?”
We’ve been sold a set of lies as kids. No such thing as a “prince charming.” No such thing as a “happily ever after.”
Didn’t tell us in the school of indoctrinations that we would be working ants for the rest of our lives. And then we get to “retire“ when we’ve been all used up and old.
With everyone including ourselves Barely clinging on to a life. Barely scraping by.
Meanwhile there’s billionaires And corrupt mother fookers who fiddle children and steal all our money, homes and land. These people will literally burn down your house to steal your land (ie Palisades, LaHaina, the VA land in LA stolen from the vets, etc)
The rich have no shame. They are beyond greedy and won’t blink an eye When they kick you to the curb with nothing.
I am beyond pissed my parents immigrated to shithole USA. If we had just stayed in my home country, I would be living a much better life. But noooo, we just had to fucking come here. Been endless poverty ever since.
Anyway, life sucks. And humans suck.
Maybe that’s why a lot of people make it their #1 priority to find their Prince Charming, their soulmate savior. Because at some instinctive level they know that nobody can survive alone. Better pair up quick.
Looks like in both our cases we miscalculated on that. By prioritizing career or education or purpose, we guaranteed ourselves loneliness later in life.
Nobody told us that it gets way wayyyy harder to find your ‘soulmate’ as you grow and mature, because we become individuals. Our views and interests deviate too far from the average. As a result we get totally shut out of the match game.
In your case it sounds like you didn’t even have a choice. You were forced to fend for yourself, rely on only yourself to survive. And by being entirely self-sufficient, you ended up missing out on that essential match game.
Well I dunno if anyone else has it better. Looks like most ‘Prince Charmings’ turn out to be losers & abusers. Even stable relationships fall apart in a dying world like this where everyone’s losing their mind. So maybe the idea of a richer-or-poorer-sickness-or-in-health relationship is itself a lie. You can’t win.
No it isn’t in instinct. People pair up bc society tells them they MUST get married and have kids. I’m older than you, and it’s less pervasive in the younger generations, but especially among the “older” generations, it was NOT normal to NOT get married and have kids. It was like being an unwed mother in the 1900s. It’s just not a thing and wasn’t very accepted in society. I know you younger generations grow up thinking it’s perfectly normal not to get married and currently, the norm is to not get married, because no one can afford it. But we older folks have it drilled into us to get married and have kids. People didn’t even think about it. It was just accepted as a thing you do.
The power of conformity and propaganda at its finest.
But yes, considering that work and career and meritocracy is all a scam, then we might as well have gone and searched for our “soulmates”.
It was silly to you have believed that lie, that propaganda – especially women – especially the whole “independent women “ movement. We women were lied to. That was a way to get us out of the house and to work alongside men.
What once was achieved with one income, now requires two or even three. Nowadays, a dual income couple is still worse off than a single male working back in the day.
Back then you could afford a house and kids and lived a comfortable middle class life on a single income, even without a college degree and without anything more than just a high school diploma. Anyone to find a job, and those jobs paid well.
Now, good luck trying to find any job these days. And the pay is so low. Not that I want women stuck at home or stuck with a terrible husband with no choice, but with every single female working, and every male working, and with every company paying bare-bones and squeezing as much work from each employee As possible, life is hell for the average peon.
Which is why it’s even more insane why half the population is hell-bent on popping out more children and putting future babies into this economic predicament. That’s humans for ya. Dumb ass motherfuckers.
But yes, you, me and Soda have all missed the boat on finding our soulmates bc we all got duped into prioritizing education/work/career.
And no, no one told us how difficult it would be to find someone after college.
Capitalism wins again. Our overlords purposely wanted us to focus on work and career because that benefits them if we focus on finding our soulmates, that just means we aren’t spending every ounce of time at work. And that’s a no-no.
Right now, I’d settle for a little sanctuary – a little place of my own- quiet, away from AHs.
I agree, we definitely need these things and more.