My heart hurts, and I have no one to talk to about it. But I know that carrying the weight is toxic for my soul, so Im unloading it here. That way, I can maybe free myself up a little to move on with my day feeling a little more positively.

Someone who has been in my life for the last five years doesn’t want me around anymore. We live together, but in a little more than a week, Im moving out.  I really dont want to. I still care about them a lot. Very, very much. But they dont feel the same anymore, and none of my “I love you”‘s are reciprocated. I miss them, and seem to have taken them for granted.

Id love it if they said, “Deep down I love you too, and I dont really want you to go”. But, that isn’t going to happen, and I know it would be selfish to ask that of them. They want me gone, and I cant control how they think or feel about that, and it really hurts. But, I have to try to learn to accept it.

I’ve been exercizing a lot lately to cope, since its the only healthy coping mechanism that seems to work for me. Endorphins. Inbetween workouts, I’m going crazy internally, emotionally. It feels like my spirit is burning, on fire, bc I want to escape a fate that is inescapable.

There’s nothing more to do than to allow myself to grieve, and try to cope, and try to heal. To be kind and gentle with myself in the meantime. To maintain my goalsetting. To continue to talk when I need to.

I do feel better now. Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far, and also for allowing me to drop some of this weight of mine this morning. I hope you can be kind to yourselves within your own struggles, and Im willing to be here for you too, in whatever ways that I can.