-Can’t do drugs- don’t want to go down that route. Plus I’m too innocent and wouldn’t even know how to get any.
-I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I honestly don’t understand why the entire world loves alcohol so much.
-I do like food but where I live there’s nothing good nearby. That’s what happens when you live in a poor shitty neighborhood. And I’m too poor to order delivery. Prices are exorbitant as it is, let alone delivery apps jacking everything up.
-Can’t do caffeine- even a small amount makes me jittery. It’s insane to me how the rest of America is caffeined to the gills and don’t even feel anything unless they have multiple cups.
-can’t really do shopping cuz that requires money.
-there’s nothing good by me so can’t go to the park or movies or whatever. Shit neighborhood and shit weather 9 out of 12 mo a year in this shitty ass shit city.
-What’s left? I guess that’s why ppl cut. But I’m not into that either.
7 comments
Yup you listed all the ways of coping. If you don’t have access (or are too smart to fall into the trap of addiction) then you’re outright screwed. Nobody can survive life completely sober with no distractions, no luxuries to offer even a half day’s peace.
I’m off the alcohol and mostly off the drugs, but I still saturate myself with coffee and engage in lots of self harm, so I don’t count myself as clean.
Sleep is basically the only safe way to cope, but due to the coffee I need to take benadryl to sleep. I still think benadryl is mostly safe since I’ve been abusing it since high school and nothing terrible has happened to my health yet (not like what alcohol started to do to me). So I’d say if you can spare $5 try picking up a small pack at a gas station or whatever. Take a tiny dose, like half a pill, and see if that at least gives you a full nights sleep to recharge. Other than that, like you said what else is there?
I knew a fat schizophrenic guy who liked Cannibal Corpse and had a decent size scab in the center of his head (he was bald) that he always picked at. I would often find him with a dried blood stream running down his scalp with about 20 or 30 benadryls crushed up on the table in order to snort them. I’m surprised the ************ has never had a run in with The Hatman.
Uhm…the more caffeine you ingest, the more benedryl you need to sleep, which in turn makes you need even more caffeine to wake up and give you a buzz, no?
There’s a ton of ppl on that treadmill, or rat wheel. Especially the ones on phar,ma drugs. Something to make us sleep, and then copious amounts of caffeine to keep us awake.
Oh but ppl can and do abuse benedryl, and there are consequences. Yours hasn’t made itself obvious yet, but rest assured it is slowly killing you. Although you might like that.
Huh, I didn’t know there was such a thing as a caffeine half life. And different people metabolize it at different rates. I’m sure I am on the slower side.
https://youtube.com/shorts/ysVlKMMSToA?si=IQNIDiiAnTpkgzU4
Eternal, I hope this helps. Just some ideas. Over the years I have had my mood altering activities. Piloting and drinking (never simultaneously), over work, 6 cups of coffee a day, a ton of hobbies, etc. Nowadays I still do meaningful work, found several purposes in life, made some real connections. What I am about to describe was a long gradual change of life.
I stopped flying because I was pursuing real connections and flying made my schedule so chaotic that I could only plan on the fly, no pun intended. Coffee gave way to tea almost entirely as various self studies gave a stimulus all their own. The high of buying something new has gradually given way to the satisfaction of finding something used at low cost in good shape or mending something I already have, etc., whenever possible.
I really don’t get out much. The people I have brought into my life (a long learning curve to find them and keep them close and not scare them off) replaced getting out you could say. Though it is form of getting out I suppose.
Thank for sharing your post Eternal. You really make me think.
How did you make the real connections (how did you find them, how do you keep them, and how long did it take)?
The 1st and 2nd friends are crucial- once we make enough friends, it gets easier making more. My problem is that I am at Step1 where I have 0 real friends.
Congrats at changing your life for the better. 🙂
How did it initially start? Like what did you do? Like the FIRST steps are always the hardest. It’s kind of like a snowball- once it hits a critical mass, things get easier and things just “flow,” but the first few flakes to create a clump of snow is hard. And that’s where I’m at…