trying. honestly im more then bloody hell serious im going to off myself soon. i just wish i can leave without someone caring..my best friend makes it so hard….like guilting me into living…im not mad, just upset i hurt him that much when i wanna leave so badly. i need a fool proof way to die. idk when im going..i just know im serious..nobody can get me to stay..im here..but within the rest of the year im gone. im sorry, but i let go off my cliff im falling now…
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fakingit – I hear you. If you feel you have someone you would hurt when you leave them behind it is very, very difficult. Even worse when you know that you want to go. I can empathize with you there. I have nobody in my life, friends, family and loved ones I have managed to lose and am so very alone. I do have 2 people though that I know I would hurt forever when I go.
Trying to make it easier on them is so very hard, because the longer we stay, the better for others maybe, but oh so hard for ourselves.
@everlasting: nice to know someone gets this. i have 2 people i know i would hurt horribly by leaving…i have no family who would care…(least thats how they act) my best friend and bf both live far away but still its very hard…i wanna leave but the pain id know i cause them is terrible…this is the 3rd post ive made bout me going through soon with offing myself i now feel like i have too..that makes it more painful..hmm idk what to think now
“this is the 3rd post ive made bout me going through soon with offing myself i now feel like i have too”
so what is it about now that makes you feel like you have to go through with it soon?
Hi fakingit
I have not been posting, but for many weeks have been coming on here again, mostly because I am starting to find my way back into the darkness. This isn’t about me though.
I do know exactly what you mean. I talk myself out of it most every day, some days are harder than others. I also feel as though I am already dead. I do nothing, see nothing or nobody and have started to feel my stuff, as well as getting to the edge of quitting my job. Am I pushing myself towards this? I think that is what you need to ask yourself too.
I think the worst is knowing the pain you are under yourself and wanting to end it, but at the same time not wanting to hurt others. But how can we stay here in so much pain? I really feel for you fakingit, it is so very hard
@ WhatAm – good question. I also went through that phase. It is a hard thing to do, to try and end it and many questions you ask yourself. For me it is always the pain, almost the inevitability of knowing the only way to be free is to end it all.
Would like to hear how you feel fakingit
@whatamidoinghere: im abused by my sister and my parents even watch her..and as punishment sometimes they let her beat me..im tired of it..and posting bout this makes me feel like now i really do have to successfully off myself.
yea I know about your sister I have read some of your other posts, but that has been going on for years I was just wondering if it was worse now. Just because you post about it doesn’t mean you actually have to do it. Posting is just venting, and sharing your unhappiness. I have said and written many things that I am happy I didn’t have to actually do after I said/wrote that I was going to do them
@everlasting: yup. im in a mix..i die= i hurt others
i dont= im abused and miserable and hurt people for no reason…its one thing to wanna kill myself then the guilt of hurting others by me leaving
worse? ummm in a way. everything pisses her off. and she beats me when things dont go her way..and she got her way again im now responsible for cleaning the whole house without assitance..cuz she to lazy to help. i wanna leave so much im tired of being the daughter that has to do everything and my sister gets the high life.
I’ll wait on the bottom of the cliff and do everything I can to catch you