Decision

I’ve decided upon a solution to my issues that I find works better than counseling.

A) Because counseling pisses me off.

B) Because I find that all of the 9 or 10 counsellors that I’ve seen in the past 5 years or so have tried to make me conform to what society deems normal or happy.

My solution?  Trying to be as true to myself as possible.  I know it doesn’t exactly sound like a solution, or it sounds like a cliche one, but it’s been working so far.  For me, this means that if listening to ‘depressing’ music makes me feel a bit of peace or happiness, then it’s perfectly ok.  If I find myself enjoying being home alone all the time in a silent house, then it’s fine.  I shouldn’t think these are bad things.  Oh.  And when I say listening to ‘depressing’ music makes me happy, I mean something like….it doesn’t make me feel depressed, but I’m not like laughing at the pain of other people and such.  You know?  This is actually extremely hard to write.  It’s hard to be honest with my thoughts and feelings at the same time, and then put them down in words.  A few months ago I started writing a journal for the first time in my life, and honestly, when I go back and read it some day, a lot of it will probably just sound like a normal teen trying to figure out who they are.  And how to stay that person and be that person.  I mean, sure.  We all know who we are.  We are ourselves.  But is it really that easy to be yourself?  No.  It’s not.  Agh I’m going off again.  My main point is this:  I am myself, I’m not going to let anyone else decide who I am, and I’m going to be as true as humanly possible to myself.  This whole thing probably sounds like me being selfish, but sometimes we all need to step back, look at ourselves, realize we’re trying to be someone else, and then be a bit selfish by trying and going back to being ourselves.  Not who people want us to be.