To put an end to the misery…

It was a normal saturday. And a lonely one at that. It was late at night, music playing and I was drowning in tears. I lay staring up at the ceiling with thoughts circling round in my head on repeat like a broken record…’Nobody will miss if I die’ ‘I’m worthless’ ‘I’ve got nothing to live for’.

Those words followed me everywhere, and my mind was consumed with the hopelessness of ending my life, and that night, that was the decision i’d made.

To end my life.

To put an end to the misery.

I went into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills i’d been eyeing down for a long time. I then wrote my suicide note, as customary of those going to kill themselvs.

Soon the pain would be over.

I can’t remember how many I swallowed, but my life was saved. By the one thing that I live for. Music. One simple song by one amazing man made me stop and think. I’ll spare the details of the aftermath, which involved a lot of stomach pain and throwing up.

Sometimes I think ‘I’m glad my life was saved that night’. But theres other times I just wish i’d died, to surrender to all the emotional pain.

The lesson here? Everyone has something to live for.