I figured: If I dont choose one now, I will never. It felt like a huge relieve, finally deciding when everything will end.
To be honest, I will grab every opportunity with 6 arms if one arises. I dont really want to die. I wish I could just be someone else, and have a different life. It is not fair I have gotten so much on my plate. And its pathetic to wallow in self-pity like that, but I cant give any fucks about that. Fact is, I am pathetic. I dont deserve to live.
Theres about a 50% chance I wont go through with it I guess. It will not be the first time I will stand on the train station: determined to jump and eventually was too frozen to do it.
I am just so tired, and hurt, and lonely.