Guys I really need some help. I am not doing good at all. Each day just gets worse and worse. I feel like im suffocating, drowning in my own fears of having to live another day. How can I survive when every part of me is telling me to end it? How much it would be easier without me here? I can’t tell my friends anything because they tell me I am being overdramatic, my family would just throw me back into a mental institution and the only true friend I had died. The two year anniversary of him killing himself is coming up and I don’t know how I am going to handle that day. I am dreading it. I loved him so much, we had plans on being together and he left. I wish that was me, I wish I could have been the one to leave. Now I am stuck here and I don’t know what to do. Please someone help me figure out what to do..anyone. At this point I am desperate which I have never been before.
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Hello IntoTheLight,
I don’t know if I can be any help at all…just wanted to let you know I read your post…and I am listening.
Do you suffer from anxiety? or just depression? Remember…I don’t know you or your story..but I would like to.
Peace
Amakua
I suffer from both and it just seems to get worse and worse. thank you for listening, its nice to know someone is
-Erin
Hey Erin,
I love your name…I wanted to change my name to Erin in grade school. I associated the name with my first girl crush…and no I’m totally hetero…but I admired her. Oh crap…I’m assuming that you are female…hahaha Ah well…still love the name. Are you sure you want to use it on here tho? Just wondering.
I found that if I treated the anxiety…the depression eased up as well. I was on Lorazepam for a while…it really helped. My entire family suffers from severe depression and GAD…I joke I get one from Dad’s side and the other from Mom’s. Neither side is too impressed with me…hehehe
I’ve also read some good books on the subjects and found some new coping skills. Think you might be able to give that a try?
In and out for the next day or two…but I do care…and I am listening.
Lots of Love
Amakua
Amakua,
haha yes I am a girl and it is a pretty common name so I am not too worried. what did you do to treat the anxiety? and if you said that joke to me about getting it from both sides of the family i would have laughed haha i would like to hear your coping skills because mine are definitely not healthy. thank you for listening, it means the world.
Sincerely,
Erin
Hey Erin,
How did I treat the anxiety? hmmm…originally…avoidance, which means ummm…alcohol, weed, dangerous casual sex, withdrawl and seclusion…ummm self harming, suicide attempts…blaming…ummm….okay you get my point. I tried pretty much everything to cope with it…and then I made it my friend.
I could write pages on the subject…but I believe it has something to do with an overactive amygdala. I mean that is what I believe…since I was born “high-strung”…hahaha. I would love to reccommend some books for you but I can’t remember most of the titles and authors until something prompts the memory. But now you have the internet…the world is your oyster. Just know that giving up is not the answer…and until you do find “your” answer…don’t give up.
Gonna post a link on another comment for you…check it out and see what you get from it…if anything. But you will have to moderate it or catch it on the comments page.
Is it really Monday?
Amakua
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/23/11-tips-to-help-manage-anxiety/
Amakua,
Thank you for posting the link and for giving advice. I truly appreciate it. I just don’t see things working out for me anymore. I am trying to just get through one day at a time. How are you doing?
-Erin
Hello Beautiful Erin,
I am doing exactly what you are…trying to get through one day at a time. But there is no other way…now is there? Getting “better” does not happen in a moment…it is sometimes so gradual…that you are not aware of it. The anxiety sorta lessens…usually when you challenge yourself and overcome something you fear…sorry…the pams help when needed…and the depressions happen less often…and last fewer and fewer days, weeks or in my case months and years.
Did I tell you that I tried to comit suicide for the first time before I was 4 years old? So yeah…I was also “painfully” shy and withdrawn…hahaha…in between the massive melt downs and “temper tantrums” I actually quit speaking for a while after that. My mom says I was a challenge…I refused to be held or touched from birth…I wanted no consolation…I was easily startled by strong sensory input…smells, sounds, lights and esp. tastes. Can you relate to this at all? Just wondering if your anxiety is hormonal ie. seratonin, dopamine etc., trauma induced, situational or perhaps like me you have an overactive amygdala which sets up an inbalance between the amygdala and anterior cingulate. One causes depression…the other anxiety. I know…perhaps way too deep.
Soooo…anywhooo
There is no such thing as a future…there is only and always today. None of us are promised anything other than that. So day by day is good. Sometimes step by step or breath by breath…but keeping moving forward…it is the only way OUT…trust me.
Lots of Love
Ama
Ama,
I hated to be touched when I was younger too. I avoided it at all costs.. still do sometimes. So yes, I can definitely relate. These days just feel like forever. You are very good at calming me down though.
Thank you
-Erin
Hey Erin,
God I love your name. 🙂 If you can relate to anything I talked about…perhaps you should investigate…also known as google…an overactive amygdala. And see if it resonates…and then continue looking. If it is something as simple as that…then natural remedies help tremendously. If it is any of the other causes…treatment becomes more complicated.
Let me know
Ama
Thank you 🙂 I will definitely look into it. Just trying to survive Christmas first haha
Sincerely,
Erin
Hey Erin,
I am not only going to survive Xmas….I’m gonna rule it…ahaha 😀 Hope we meet up again in the New Year….eat lots and watch your alcohol intake.
If I see Santa again this year…I’ll tell him you changed your mind…and instead of socks and underwear…you would like a little Peace of Mind in your stocking this year.
Peace
Ama
hahah thanks 🙂