I am completely confused.
My priest and close friend has recently told me that whenever she needs an answer to an important question in her life, she prays and then at random selects a verse from her bible, and it will invariably be a very clear answer. It really works for her, and if she does not like the answer and tries again, it will just say the same thing in a different way, again and again, until she accepts it.
I’ve tried that in the past as well, and it has worked! So today I tried it, with the question whether I will survive this episode of mental illness and depression, or whether I will kill myself. And I tried four times, and every time the sentence I picked contained a message concerning death. Every time!!!!!
I know I asked, so I should accept the answer, but somehow I cannot believe that God is telling me I will kill myself. You would think that he would want me to live, and give me hope. On the other hand, even when I try to be a sceptic – four hits can hardly be a coincidence.
Problem is I have two teenage sons, so I really have a good reason to stay alive, and I have many good friends who support me, and all the professional/medical help I could wish for. On the other hand I am sooooo screwed up mentally and emotionally, and my (second, quite recent) marriage is also so screwed up, and I have not got it in me to rebuild my life as a single mum – again….
If it wasn’t for my sons, I would have died already more than a year ago. I have my method picked out, and have rehearsed it and planned it to the last detail. I know I would have no problems at all carrying it out except for feeling horrible about what this would do to my sons.
Does God now want me to die????? Or is he simply giving me that message that, while he does not WANT me to die, that he already knows I will kill myself anyway, and hopefully I will be forgiven and received with love in heaven, and my kids somehow will be ok????
Please no flames about me believing in God, I know that not everybody shares my believes, but otherwise I’d be grateful for any feedback.
BTW, @crying on the inside, I am another Aussie, from Perth, 45 yo. I sent an email to you about a week ago but it bounced. And “Happy Birthday!”.
9 comments
The Bible is FULL of death references alongside, amongst other things sex, crime, murder, hatred; virtually all of the things you aren’t supposed to do.
I wouldn’t take it then as some God telling you that’s what you should do or shouldn’t do. That you’re on here questioning if he’s TELLING YOU to commit suicide makes me wonder if you’re joking-I’m no Christian whatsoever, but I’m pretty sure that suicide is, uh, not ‘allowed’. There are rules for a reason, yes? Follow those rules then and don’t think some random coincidence means God is telling you to die.
If he exists, he probably just wants you to suffer like the rest of us. Isn’t that the point of life, anyway, to Christians? Life is suffering so you can exist blissfully in the next life? If you’re that religious, you’re just gonna have to take it. If you have any sense though, you’ll realise that religion never provides you with the answers.
No Anna, I wasn’t joking. I am myself a Christian, and actually a very well educated Christian at that, last year I finished a Bachelor of Theology at a very reputable university. So I know that the bible contains a lot of death references etc, which does not mean that we are meant to kill, rape, hate etc.
Whether suicide is allowed or not in the bible is actually not as clear cut as many may make you believe, the few suicides in the bible that are explicitly mentioned are not judged, and it is not self evident whether or not the commandment not to murder applies to the self. Nonetheless I agree with you the God probably in most cases and especially in my case would not condone suicide because of the suffering it will cause to those left behind.
The thing is I have used this method to get answers from God before, and this method has always served me well. So why question it now when the answer seems incomprehensible to me? What are the odds that I pick four sentences about death in a row. There is a lot of death in the bible, but not THAT much!
BTW, Christianity is NOT all about suffering in this life, for the sake of happiness in the next one. That is an unfortunate but common misconception. It is about unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness. So possibly in my case God is finally telling me that he allows me to leave, because he loves me so much he does no longer force me to live?
Don’t worry, I am not about to kill myself right now, just because of that. My kids mean still too much for me to do that. But I am kind of settling into a certainty that it is inevitable that eventually I will.
as you know the answer will come. but i think of it as if i failed at suicide than there is a reason god still has me/you hear and anyone else. i am sure u know if you go to your good christan friends and ask for help most likey they will come to you rescue. i dont know if this will help but if u choise to tell you friends that you are feeling this pain. then they can call you everyday and talk well it doesnt have to be everyday. when i was stugling i talk to a friends everyday for like ten minutes a day. you should try it it helped me everyday
Thanks, @life sucks and thin you die, I have many good friends, Christian and otherwise, and I talk to them often, and they know about my problems. It helps, a bit, it gets me through one day at a time.
But, the flip-side is that I never feel better in the long run, and I am thinking, if despite friends and medication and therapy … I am still not getting better, what hope is there?
But… I am just starting a new medication, maybe that will do the trick. Still don’t know how to interpret this answer from God, if it was one?
well give it a chance i am sure things will get better like i say if u havent read b4 life has to look up sometime it get boring looking down all the time
and if u are still hear there is a reason y haha i think that conderdicks my last post haha whatever
Lol. Yes I am still here but now going to bed (as I said I am in Australia, very different timezone from most of you).
Btw, I think the view from up there will be lovely.
ok night i ment still alive on earth there must be a reason y god has you hear
‘It is about unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness’
I wouldn’t use the word unconditional; if God’s love was that unconditional and he was all-forgiving, Hell wouldn’t exist now, would it?