By:EmoCookie
Oh suicide
I cant stop thinking about it at the moment
I want to cry but hold it in
I want to cut but  something is stopping me
Something tells me that
That it wont stop me for that long
I couldnt hold it in now I am crying
The other night
I couldnt stop thinking suicide
suicide
SUICIDE
so many ways my mind came up with
grrr
i dont know what to do anymore
what to say
what to feel
5 comments
EmoCookie,
sorry you feel so……………… bad we all feel like that! your not alone. your in good company. whats going on? and what is a emocookie? and why? just asking 🙂
EmoCookie is my nickname from a long time ago when i was in 8th grade. and they gave it to me because my friends would say im their cookie and i was emo so they so they named me Emo Cookie. I just feel there really is no point for me to be here. people keep telling me that it will get better but it never does it only gets worst and worst. i want to pass this year of school its my last year and i am failing. im so stressed out. i cant take it no more. so many family problems and they also never get betteer and i just w
want to not have to not be something im not
EmoCookie,
hang in there your at the finish line and things will get better! 🙂 and be yourself thats ok!
“want to not have to not be something im notâ€
And there is the rub we can’t be what we are not.
Want is hope slipping through our fingers that spasm in their hold.
How much of who we are is who we are?
Nurture and nature, how much is predestined?
Am I the objective self where I am the object that must work, buy groceries, clean the house?
Am I the subjective inner self where I am the subject, which longs to be known?
Why is it so difficult to align the two?
Why do we view them as separate?
It’s so easy to attach identity to the objective self; we become what we do and don’t or can’t do what we want, so many demands and we must eat.
Feeling dead we wish for death
Are we already dead?
If already dead what are we holding on to?
Spasming fingers?
Thinking and habits that no longer serve, it is that which must die?
Am I the subject or object of life?
We feel that we are already dead but don’t act as if we are.
Each day we appeal to hope and meaning, clinging and grasping to any thought or concept that might prove to be a release but disappoint.
If we were dead we could not cling and grasp, this is the hope of suicide misplaced and misunderstood.
The hope of the ***** goddess of hope.
Our freedom and longing is to no longer cling and grasp.
Do not appeal to hope and meaning!
Hope is grasping of past and future, meaning, a thought so light it dissolves in the slightest breeze.
Without appeal to hope and meaning the moment is free.
Without appeal there is no identification with the moment or its negation.
We are the Absurd.
We live life because it is life.
A moment of joy and sadness, numinous and tedious, it is experienced, witness to the partials of time passing to the next.