This one’s gonna be mean.

Apparently I’m not supposed to post hateful or mean things here. Well , my hate isn’t directed at random people on this site. Am I allowed to hate the people I know? Do I even hate them? I’m sick of them certainly , they bore me. Am I allowed to ramble on like this? I quite like it. So here’s my deal. I don’t like life , I don’t like people , that’s certainly nothing new , everybody’s heard that a billion times I bet. But you see , I really don’t like people . I pity them . Watching all of these little people run around in circles and busy themselves with pointless things tire me. I want to be above them . I’m sick of seeing people fake their way into the world. They are so boring and so petty . Aren’t there people like me in the world? I keep hearing of  their existence , I read about them in books , I watch them in the movies but I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting one like me.

Someone like me , what does that mean? I don’t fancy myself a supervillain or a mad genius really. How about someone cold and logical? Can I meet someone like that? Where can I meet them? Not in my sorry excuse of a country for sure. I should move to Europe , England maybe. I’m ridiculously white , will that help?  And all the villains have the RP accent , hey me too! We can get along well. How can I go to England? How about through college? I should do a masters program there.  But.. oh , wait. My grades suck and I hate school . I thought college would be different , didn’t everyone tell me that in high school? How college is sophisticated and is an institution for learning ? Oh well , I guess they forgot to mention the drunks and the morons and the party-people. Oh , so what if I don’t like anyone at college? Isn’t learning the point of it all ? And I managed to get into one of the best schools in my stupid country , man was that hard. I lost 30 pounds and countless hours of sleep but I did it!

And I managed to get into the Brit literature department. I love literature , what am I saying , doesn’t everyone? No ? They don’t? Wow , not even my classmates like it . Hmm , what about the professors? Maybe they’ll help me out and show me how to be a good critic. Oh , no they won’t. They don’t have the time for me , for anyone apparently. And what is that professor? I should drop out if my grades are bad? I must be talentless I suppose. A shame really , since all my life I was told that learning foreign languages was my only talent.Well , I would love to go back home and sit on my butt , but unfortunately my dad is getting divorced from his second wife and just lost the house , he says he will not support me anymore . My mom? Well ever since I ran away from her house when I was 15 we don’t have the best relationship. She’s poor anyway , I don’t wanna burden her. I’ll just work and stay in my stupid country . But I hate it here , I  hate its religious bigots , I hate its lack of working field for my major , I have nothing in common with anyone here. And I tried to apply for a job , no one accepted! So what should I do? What should I do? A talentless , poor,  unemployed , twenty year old college drop out . No , I don’t wanna be a stripper… I don’t have a rocking body , I’m short and skinny and don’t have giant boobs.

What am I waiting for then? I don’t like life. What is the point of it? There is no god , energy , karma or anything.  Even if I magically fell into heaven , who would be waiting for me there? I don’t have friends or lovers , in fact I’m not fond of sex actually . Ever since I was sexually assaulted when I was eight ,  I’ve felt weird about it . And boy was catching my mom having sex with her boyfriend on my bed when I was twelve  awkward. How about love? Meh , an illusion. There is no “the one”. All of it is circumstantial. So what to do .. what to do?

I have to live on , eh? Because otherwise I’m selfish. You’re right of course , it must feel bad for the people who are left behind. I mean they sat on their asses and told me to just “fight on” and “no pain no gain”. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad since it’s all about them anyway. Don’t I owe my life to my parents and family and they didn’t ask to be born either. Never mind that they knowingly entered into a loveless marriage and had me to postpone their divorce. It’s not like it’s my life or anything.

Guess what? It’s my life. It’s the only thing I own and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it , so fuck them and fuck it all , no one gets to tell me to suck it up and bear with this pathetic existence because I didn’t ask for it either.  It’s not my responsibility to take their feelings into consideration and make it okay for them . Why? Because I don’t give a fuck about anyone else. Why should I ? If I believed in witches , I would say that humanity is cursed . Cursed to make the same boring mistakes over and over , live the same miserable life one generation after another. This pathetic species can go fuck itself and destroy itself to oblivion for all I care. I don’t wanna be a part of it anymore.