I haven’t posted here in a while. School among other things has occupied most of my time, but I feel I need to post here.
Everything is slipping away. I’m so young, yet I’ve given practically all my youth and childhood away. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to grow up and now I just want to turn back the clocks.
I’ve been having to do and see things I’d never thought I would at only my age. I won’t go into specifics, because in all honesty I’m not quite ready to admit them to myself, let alone anyone else… But I’ve strayed so far from who I had planned to be. The good natured innocence I believed I’d always possessed has been stripped away from me at only sixteen years old.
I’ve broken every promise i’d made myself when I was young. I have nobody to turn to who will understand why I’ve done the things I have. They will write me off as some sort of demon and move on. But I’ve really struggled, and they won’t acknowledge that. I WANT to be good and I know I’ve messed up. It feels like now, though, there’s no turning back. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
I’m so lost and afraid. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be when everything was simple and I was happy. I’m so tired of pushing forward when I can’t even see where I’m headed.