I’ve been having a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues lately and I’ve even found it hard to express myself on here because I was too critical of myself and held back on what I want to say so I feel like I need to write because I need to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve formed a personality from it because I never got over the bullying and now I believe all the things people said about me to be true and it’s hard to get over after believing it for so long and I don’t believe the people  who say that you can just let go, you can’t just let go of it, it won’t just disappear  I really don’t know what it takes. I’m sad that I care about what people think about me to the extent where I let what they think control my actions and let them stop me from doing what I want to do I know I’m not the best looking, most talented,etc. but I don’t think my value should come  from how other people see me because at the end of the day I’m the one who is in my body and I want to focus on my best qualities instead of worrying about what I don’t have . I regret spending all my time like this because I could have taken all that time to get to know myself and to do the things that I like and developed tougher skin but in a way I guess this experience was good because I realize I don’t want to be here and I’ve learned a few things about myself through my depression: I don’t deal with my feelings or problems I push them aside because I feel like they’re not important and I think I need to realize that just because other people may not find my problems important that they are important to me and that’s all that matters, I’m very careful about who I open up to and trust because I’m afraid of getting hurt and taking risks, I need to realize that my depression is an illness and not all in my head, and I realize that my depression has become my comfort zone where I’m afraid to be in too deep and completely free I guess that’s why things haven’t really changed and why I won’t let myself have good things.