He’s…expecting.
Josh is expecting a baby with her…
If you’ve read my other stuff about Josh, you’d know that he’s the one I’ve been in love with since I was 15 years old and was my best friend since I was 12. The one that told me he’d always love me and cried when I had to leave. The one that used to lay out with me and watch the stars burn.
They’ve been dating for three years, but it never really hit me that they were serious. I never thought he’d have a child with her..and not me. He always gave me the impression that he’d come back around…
And now, i know that he would never leave the one he has a child with…now he’ll never be with me.
The person who I was prepared to spend my whole life waiting for…is starting a new life….without me. A baby girl..he’ll name Khloe.
My purpose in life was to be ready when he came back..he’s not coming back.
We’ll never be together…this is the truth.
Another truth?…I’m not strong enough to handle this.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
i don’t know if this will help, but maybe if you thought of this situation like this. in reality, there are millions of people out there who would love you for who you are. he’s not the only one, even if it seems like it. true, there are moments you spent with him that can never come back, that you will never share with another human, but it never helps pondering what could have been. i hope you the best!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNdaN2X-G7M
This song has helped me.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how painful that must be.
I can’t even imagine my love with another girl without freaking out, let alone something as serious as that. My delusional brain tries to prepare for it by thinking it might be good if he ends up not caring about her the way he did for me and comes back… like you thought… having a baby is no guarantee they’ll ALWAYS be together, you know. But you need a better reason to live. Wish I could give you one 🙁
Yes, it is very painful. The most painful part? I saw him today and was forced to congratulate him on his new edition. I know he’d never leave the kid and jeopardize a relartionship with the mother because of how he is. *sigh* HSe’s locked him in for life and she knew that. It helps alot that you understand how I feel and that you dont think this whole situation is silly..like I do
I appreciate it
*hugs* Oh God. That must have ripped your soul in two.
I hope that one day you’ll be able to look back at it all and laugh… but there’s no way to know that now.
I’ve had exes go on to be with other people, and have children with them, and it doesn’t haunt me, I can barely even remember the pain of it when it was raw and fresh (and sometimes it was long after I got over them)… but each person and each love is different. It helps if the guy is an asshole and you can be pissed at him. >.> When he’s not it’s pure hell. I can’t move on now, ALL signs pointed to him being the one I was meant to be with, and I was the one for him… I know I’ll never be happy again and anyone who tells me I will be is a liar. I’m supposed to believe that since things “didn’t work out” that we’re not meant to be, but to me it just means I should give up. ….and then he’ll say he misses me in a text, or be flirty in a casual email, and I’m sure he still loves me… but he doesn’t want me. He doesn’t act on it. Maybe he’s just keeping me on the string in case he changes his mind someday (like it seems your guy was doing to some extent). And I have to be okay with that because he was my life and I have nothing now.
Sorry for the pathetic rambling. Misery loves company? Unlovable and unable to love correctly, as you once said…
*hug* The thing was..he we never dated..we just thought we’d always be together. It was unsaid..was my first kiss and everything. I completely understand what you mean..about how all signs pointed to him being the one you were meant to be with. I hate that Josh isnt mean..or that I can still catch him staring at me when I look over my shoulder after walking away. It would make it so much easier if they stopped doing that right? Like if they just were assholes. I’m sorry you feel that you’ll never be loved again. Ugh..the “I miss you” text. I wish I got that..I get stares and smiles and blushes from him. I feel the same way..like I’m supposed to be okay with this because he’s what I live for.
Pathetic rambling? Please…go on. I am miserable and I do love your company. You…read my post? Brightens my day a bit.
Rain Alicia, yeah you’re one of the people whose posts I always read now. Glad you don’t mind my rambling 🙂
MUCH easier when they’re assholes because then you can get angry, and direct the anger at them instead of yourself… at least some of it. I don’t know what to do. It hurts like he just left recently and it’s been 7 months already. I was okay before him, I should be okay after him, in theory, but before him I just didn’t know there was someone like him in the world. SIGH. And now it’s just pure torture.
Awwh…I’m so sorry. You dont ramble, by the way. 7 months is still fresh if you loved him as much as I love my guy. Seems like it’ll never go away..mine faded after 2 years…never went away though.
And thank you so much for reading my posts <3333333333333333