Confused…

Hey , its my first time to post on SP ..
My life right up to now hasnt been great my cutting started 5 years ago wen my nan passed she was the meaning to my life and was sadly taken away which led to me getting depression .. I tried ending it but had a failed attempt which made it worse because my mother dragged me to one counsellor to another none helped which is why i still cut today .. At the end of last year i was molested which really made me break down … I want to dir to make the pain go away .. My best mate has been so good to me and has tried to build me back up but i just cant do it .. I dont know whether to say goodbye to her or just to go ahead and end it….