I am 56 years old. I have no money, no property, no assets, no pension, no income and, frankly, no marketable skills. I have large unpaid tabs at several local hostelries and debts to most of my friends here which I have secured on the (false) assurance that money is on the way from my (long closed) UK accounts. Help and understanding (of any sort) have long since dried up. I am largely looked upon as the liability which I am.
I have been staying at a cheap hotel locally since I was evicted from my apartment three weeks ago for non-payment of rent. I am now five days overdue with payments for this accommodation. I shall be very lucky to escape without a beating when I don’t come up with the money tomorrow (that’s the sort of place it is). I shall then be homeless.
There is no social welfare of any sort available to me here and I cannot even raise the airfare back to the UK (where I am, in any case, unsure of my welcome). My only relative (parents dead, wife estranged, no children) is a brother to whom I have long since defaulted on payments for a very generous loan and whom I can no longer approach.
My current situation has been caused entirely by my own foolish behaviour. No-one else is to blame and, if I am honest, I cannot even say I have had particularly bad luck. Until fairly recently I have had a very enjoyable life but (creditors excluded) if I die tomorrow it will really be no great loss to anyone.
What I was wondering was if I could get film shot of my jump and sell it to a newspaper to cover some of my debts?
3 comments
Well, thats a slightly silly question… Now that you have writen this post (at least this anyway) your death will matter to several people including myself. To be serious, I know there are some sick people out there but I’m sure most of sociaty do not want to see someone killing themselves however I do have a suggestion of something you could do to make money. Why not film yourself living? How about do a “day with me” video which means you have to film what you get up to on a daily basis and all the strugles you have, that way you may be able to get some help with some of the issues you are facing and perhaps inspire people who are in the same circumstance to not take their own life. Your debts arent going to matter when you are dead anyway. I recomend one more thing. Contact your nearest salvation army, they can help you with all the things you seem to be strugling with. Good luck.
One of the upshots to a life you’ve lived is that you haven’t made a tremendous mess for the world to clean up: you don’t have some decrepit estate to be clawed over by progeny close or otherwise estranged as so very many people do, didn’t run a family business into millions of dollars in debt – sounds like you didn’t horde a townhouse full of newspapers for the poor locals to risk their lives cleaning up. Sounds like you have a small handful of possessions and another handful of personal debts none of which sounds like it put anyone in the poorhouse. I’m about ten years short of your exact predicament in fact. I’ve lived a life of live-in situations, traveled lightly and worked for my rent and supper for 40 years. I actually created this account because of your post just to offer you this: the life you’ve lead leaves you in the perfect spot (as it looks like you’re seeing it) to opt out and be done with it. Why wouldn’t you instead look for a live in situation with someone elderly who needs someone exactly like you virtually all day every day? In the last few years I’ve watched as my grandparents (in their late 80s) finally had to deal with institutionalization or in-home care and my eyes were blown wide open to the fact that there are thousands upon thousands of old people virtually everywhere you turn who need help. There are hundreds of agencies born every day who are really less concerned with your professional experience than they are with a basically clean criminal record and a willingness to live IN HOME for long periods of time – I’ve done it. I have no doubt whatesoever that at retirement age when I (almost certainly) haven’t saved up enough to not-work on, I’ll not-give-up on finding someone who, despite my perceived lack of value, is probably right around the corner and could really use me. Your post was well written and you sound intelligent. I just wanted to say, before you check out on the basis of having built up no personal-history to retire on, use that same thing (a lack of personal-history) to maybe throw yourself into helping someone else. Someone who has gone through life without accumulating tons of regular life junk like I mentioned at the outset is – in my experience – the best kind of assistant. People need you still, even if you haven’t met them. Anyway I created this account to tell you this. Hope you’re able to read it.
Wow, this post and Protoms’ answer, really blew me away.
Protom dos raise a good point. You do actually sound like an intelligent critter. You even seem terribly self aware. You can admit to your own foolishness (whatever that may be) and can see how you have led yourself astray. Regardless of what it has cost you, the past is done. You are poverty stricken and soon to be homeless. Yet you are well spoken and able to rub two cells together. Protom’s suggestion is a valid one. Take a shower, clean yourself up and wander around town looking for such places.
Your film idea seems to have several loopholes as well. You would have to trust that person would do several things like watch it cold bloodedly, not take the money themselves, that’s it’d even be worth an amount and etc. Even if you put yourself there you could still be worth something to another. Regardless of your lack of material wealth.
I do actually hope things get netter for you and that you can read this.