i THINK i AM INTELLIGENT AND FUNNY AND THAT IF PEOPLE REALLY LISTENED TO ME THEN MAYBE IT WOULD BE WORTHWHILE Â STAYING IN THIS WORLD. BUT NO ONE HEARS ME. NO ONE REALLY SEES WHAT IS INSIDE. I CANT KEEP FIGHTING IT ANYMORE. I DIED A LONG TIME AGO. I CAN NO LONGER TRUST OR LOVE. I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF.. I JUST HOPE I CAN DO IT SOON SO I WONT HAVE TO THINK ANYMORE.I FEEL SO ALONE. I AM SO ALONE. Â ONCE I AM DEAD I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY ALONE BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER….I WONT FEEL IT.
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I understand. I’ll listen just stay you can keep fighting. I hope you feel better soon.
I may not know exactly what your going thru but I can understand the pain you feel, we’re all in this fight together. If you want to talk I’ll listen to anything you’ve got to say 🙂
That’s the weird thing “Broken”,What I’m going through is a life long disconnection in all areas of my life….there’s nothing inside me. i have used all my reserves. I have seen every kind of therapist, taken every kind of chance, trusted all I can. Thank you for hearing me, it means a lot to me believe it or not. I’ve been starved from love or kindness for a long time. I won’t be in pain for much longer. I won’t feel better…I’ll be dead. The absolute clincher for me was a month ago i was fired from my job . I was a state Manager for a fashion label and I was told all 5 Managers below me said they could no longer work with me. I asked which Managers…could you tell me as I have seen these managers socially where they would seek my advice regarding their problems and infact 2 had called me the night before on a sunday night [ my day off] to ask my advice on things going on in their lives i had taken the time to listen and was even on the phone for hours and BOTH were just lovely and told me how much i had helped them. I asked my superior to tell me what they said as it seems TOTALLY contradictory to how my these Managers interacted to my face. She said ” no , I have to remain impartial…If I tell you then it will turn into “he said she said”. I said ” ok…well can I meet with them with my superiors in the room so we can mediate and get to the bottom of this? I had no idea any of them felt this way…. She said “no” because i don’t want them to feel uncomfortable.
So now they don’t feel uncomfortable…but i feel suicidal.
I had locked away the whole thing deep in my soul and tried to robotically move on.
then 2 days ago i came across an email sent through the company about me that was absolutely bitchy, racist [i am indian], abhorrent , disgusting and soul destroying..written by these managers who i thought had really liked me.
….And I’M THE ONE WHO GOT FIRED? What’s the point in going on. I play by all the rules. I don’t have a vicious bone in my body. I am respectful, helpful , kind, non judgmental…all the recipes for success but I always end up losing. The pain is too much and I simply don’t have any more energy to keep going.This is simply the last of a lifetime of these kind of circumstances. I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT i have done NOTHING wrong. these Managers below me gave me no indication they didn’t like me and intact went out of their way to tell me how much they appreciate all my help and how dedicated I am right up until the day I was fired…then…Nothing. Not ONE has contacted me and explained. How can I trust again. I have no faith in humanity. The answer I have come to is…don’t fight it. Just remove yourself permanently
Read your story (situation). Jerks!
If you met with these managers, then give them a call. Ask them straight out if it’s true. What have you got to lose. It’s not like your ever gonna see them again anyways (job wise).
What if the whole thing is BS and its your superior is the one wanting you canned?
How did you come across this email?
May be a labour relations/human rights issue.
Thing is, people will go thru all the effort to lie and put on a false face around you, then I would not hesitate to investigate further, regardless if it caused them a little discomfort. They apparently could care less about deceiving you, so don’t lose any sleep over causing some waves for them.
As for humanity, the majority of them suck anyways.
i’m not going to tell you that everything is going to be better because that won’t help you. I know what what you’re feeling, the feeling that you’re slowly dying inside. The only reason that i’m still here is , because i have a dream and i won’t die untin i achieve my goal. I want to show everyone that i’m not a worthless piece of shit and shut their mouths.
I can’t help you with your job or anything , but if you want to talk i’m there for you.
It’s amazing how far the kindness of strangers can speed. Tsuki, Titanium 69, Brokenbutnooneknows and notalraight THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK THANKYOU. You have given me enough love to go on living another day…Of course it’s only ever temporary as I have no foundations and a broken soul, but i really do appreciate the love non the less.
tsuki- It’s wonderful you have a dream and a goal. Is your dream to show everyone your not worthless or will that be the end result. I’d love to hear from you and find out what your dream is….I could live vicariously through your dreams for a while so I have something to concentrate on other than my own misery. Tsuki…you may feel worthless but let me say this…today you saved a life….mine..how many other people can say that? This may or may not help you….I hope it’s the latter.
Titanium – Thank you for being strong on my behalf. Because of my self destructive behaviour I logged into the company server at 3am [ well…I am now unemployed]. I guess it was a self full-filling prophecy that they were talking about me…and of course…what did i expect…I was right. Unfortunately this makes any chance of legally pursuing them for discrimination impossible as I imagine a fired employee logging into a company server is intellectual property fraud..
I am Australian and under our industrial law you can not pursue unfair dismissal within the probationary period..in my case 6 months…and SURPRISE SURPRISE/conveniently I was there for 5 months…hmmf.
They discarded me like I am nothing….and i already believed I am..This only confirms it.
Why is it that I can be fired based on innuendo and opinion and yet they are racist bitches and my superior believed them over me. I knew they had lied and I told my superior this and she didn’t believe me. I do have all the manager’s numbers and I have thought about calling them…but what will that prove. That they hate me? I don’t think I could cope with them saying it to my face. They obviously do hate me or they would have called me when I was fired. Instead I’m alone and it’s business as usual for everyone but me. It just shows me that no one cares about anyone but them selves in this world. I don’t have the strength to keep fighting for myself….it happens too much in my life and I’m tired and broken