Feeling Alone

Well, most of you know why I’m here. I’m not looking for attention, just someone to talk to that won’t judge me, or call me a freak. I’m thirteen.. And I understand I’m very fortunate, but still I feel alone. I’ve grown up with a large group of friends. They are all very well off and come from very well off families. One or more of their parents are teachers and work and local schools and colleges. I’m not sure how I ever fit in, considering my parents both dropped out of college. I’ve ways felt alone amongst my group of friends, I felt ashamed of where I came from. My parents aren’t the greatest but we still love each other. They divorced when I was seven because my dad would abuse my mom. I still was allowed to visit my dad so the divorce never bothered me. But, the circumstances did. Recently my dad was put on long term disability and both of my parents were diagnosed clinically depressed. My dad was told he had only a year to live. I overheard the conversation with the doctor so no one knows I know. I felt scared and worried, because my dad used to be my favorite person… Until I saw nudes on his phone… He had taken pictures of himself having sex with young girls only about ten years older than me. I was heart broken. I had no one to talk to and kept to myself because no one would understand. I felt alone. Soon, my distant behavior caused all but one of my friends to leave me. We haven’t spoken in months. I am alone. In February I cut my self for the first time. The pain from the blade helped the pain in my heart go away. I DEFINATELY wouldn’t recommend cutting.. It’s hard to stop.. I cut again and again… And finally my mom saw… “Cover that up, people will think your a freak” no further discussion on the subject. I’ve been wearing a jacket but soon it will be to hot to cover the scars. But, I don’t really care. No one cares about me so why should I? I’ve been thinking about slitting my wrist and getting it all over with. I just don’t feel like living anymore. No one wants to live life alone.. I’m trying to get better and look on the bright side of things, but it’s gotten so dark and my light is lost. Thanks for reading my story. That is all