Hey mom,
It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. About 9 years actually. I miss you so much even though I don’t remember much about our time together. I’m sorry if I caused you any stress with me being alive. It’s probably my fault you died. I’m sorry. So very sorry. I was only 5 that day when you had your heart problem attack and I was in the room right next to where you were. I saw you fall down and I was so scared. I’m 14 now and I wish you were here with me. It’s hard growing up without you, and I know Rachel and Bri feel the same. I cry everytime I think about dad, though. I can’t possibly imagine the pain he goes through without you beside him to help raise your 3 daughters. I feel empty inside without you, because I never got to make any lasting memories with you except our last memory; the day you died. I’m sorry, eternally sorry. I want to go back in time and save you. But I know that will never happen. I just wanted to let you know how everyone is doing. I just really need my mommy right now. Everything’s so hard to deal with and I fear that I will take drastic measures soon. Please, help me mommy. I miss you.
Love, your daughter, Sammy.
2 comments
I’m sorry, your pain is touching. I’m 38 now but I lost my mum under very difficult circumstances, and I miss her so much it hurts. I’m transgendered and the last time I saw her I was 17, just before I went full time. She died around twelve years ago and if anything my sense of guilt, grief and loss is getting worse as the years go by. You’re not to blame for your mums death in any way honey, you were only five and probably had no concept of death or what to do in a situation like that. and if there is an afterlife I’m sure that she’s watching over you with love, and wants you to be happy. So please don’t be hard on yourself, and live the best life you can for her…
And if there is no afterlife, then you can at least honour her memory by trying to be the best person you can. For you do deserve happiness…