Happy I found this site again after over a year with searching 🙂
Anyway, there’s a reason I found it again, I’m as lost and feeling down as I did last time I was here.
The title explains my feelings now.. I’m 23 years old soon, still in school, guess you call it High School, at least in my country it’s the school you attend to from you are 16-19.
23 years old… And still here…
Or actually, I’m not, because I just got kicked out because of too much absence. Now I’m in a position where I have no income, no money at all, I have rent to pay, other bills, and no money.. I owe money to friends that has been so kind to borrow me, but I can’t ask them for more. I’ve tried to get a job for about 3-4 months now, without any luck.
All this is making me feel so worthless and such a failure. I just got a boyfriend (unbeliavable), and I’m so embarassed because he is in college, taking a master-degree in this super advanced subject..
Everytime I meet some of his friends and they ask me what I do, I don’t know what to say, so I “lie” and tell them that I am attending Journalism this fall (which I hope to do, but probably won’t since I never get done with “high school”).
I can’t ask my mother for money or help, my dad has already helped me. I can’t move back home to them..
Also my new boyfriend I met by some other friends, and I later got to know that he and another friend of mine dated about a year ago. This really bothers me, and I’ve found pictures of her on his computer, and all the pictures he has of me, I’m with her in the photo. I know they ended their “relationship” very sudden, without talking about it, so I’m guessing he’s not over her yet. I put these crazy thoughts in my head and blow it up bigger than it probably is, but I don’t know how to stop it…
All I wanna do is think about myself and end everything, all my life I’ve forgotten to think about myself, because I always put others before me. I’m an ex-cutter, haven’t cut in 16-17 months, but lately I’ve felt the urge to do it. All this money, school and self-esteem problems is bringing me down again and I don’t know how to get myself back up there anymore… 🙁
I’ll never be anything.
8 comments
Don’t say that sister… At least you have a boyfriend that’s still alive, you may not have a job but at least you are alive yourself, do you trust your boyfriend? Tell him about your current situation I’m sure he cares, don’t worry all too much its good to know that u could blow it up if you mistrust him however; choose…. you love him right? Would it be worth not to stop for the love you have for him? Or is it better to blow up and loose him…. What ever makes you happier its not about what you know what to do.. but what you believe is right to be done. Good luck to you sister.. May peace be upon you.
He knows about me quitting school and having moneyproblems, but our relationship is way to new to start with problems. We’ve only been together for a month or so..
I want to tell him how I feel about him and my friend, whom he dated, but I feel like it’s not a big deal, though it is for me. I can’t tell them not to be friends anymore, because that would be to selfish.
This makes me regret involving myself with him, when I know I can’t help myself to my thoughts, and control it :\
I have 3 daughters near your age. Your feelings are not unusual. That is not to say that they are not real and justified. You WILL succeed though. I can tell because you care about your future. Get selfish my dear.
Thank you oldhor1zons. But still, I’m not a selfish person. If I tell him how I feel about them, I feel like I’m being a total b*tch. They have been friends for a great while, and I’ve only known the both of them for 6-7 months.
We are all a part of a huge group of friends, and if I go off and tell him that things should go my way I think I’ll get a lot of enemies :\
But if I tell him how I feel, maybe he’ll show some mercy and don’t involve in her life as much as before, I don’t know.. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up again.
Wisely spoken oldhor1zons I couldn’t say what you said any better. Yes Lixie he is right. follow old’s advise.
You’ll make it Lixie, he should show mercy if he loves you give it a try perhaps if not all at once but show it slowly. As time passes and while he thinks of that he may just think less of her.
I sure hope so.. Finding pictures of her was really painfull.. And the pictures he had of me, didn’t help since she was in ALL of them..
I don’t know, I guess I’ll talk to him if he comes over here tonight. I just don’t know how to put it, where to start.
I’m very much in love with him, but thank God we’ve only been together a month, so I wont be as much hurt as I would of we’ve been together a year or more..
Thank you both by the way, you really brighten up my day with your words. I love this site.. <3
You are somebody lixie. Please don’t be like me, by cutting again. Don’t let him or anyone else make you feel like you aren’t. You aren’t being a ***** telling him how you feel. You’re just being honest.