So one night. About 1500 words later and this is my 3rd, 4th post? It feels good I guess to just ramble on without having to worry about people I know judging my saneness. Social media is…frustrating sometimes. It looks like a good place to vent, but you are constrained to acting the persona you put on in front of friends. Which I guess is your decision, but you can not always be honest people. Especially if you are depressed. You often tread a fine line with what you say and what you let people know. In the past I have tried being honest with people. So far it has gotten me rejected once and made me lose someone who I considered to be a best friend. Which really isnt the end of the world but everything hurts within its own limits. I guess it hurts even more because I feel like it was my fault, like I could have done something different and had a different result. Which I guess goes without saying…doing something different and expecting a different result. Sometimes though you have to realise that you werent responsible. Ruminating about things is not helpful for depressed people. My whole life I went without remembering the day before but suddenly I get depressed and I have an eidetic memory. Can recall every single, small detail. Honestly though, the benefits outweigh all the wasted time I spend on useless thoughts. Honestly, my memory has improved 10 fold. Just a small side note does too many posts in a short time equal spam? Oh well Ill find out I guess. Im trying to relate it back to depression. I mean I would love to talk about suicide but for a suicide forum they are strangely against it. Its called the Suicide Project, but I have not seen one suicide project. Not that im encouraging anyone to suicide. Thats your decision. Although the general populace thinks that you are incapable of making decisions when you are depressed. I get it, you have an altered mental status but so is not being depressed. If the majority of people were depressed and there were a few outliers who werent, would they not have the altered mental status? Bah, anything anti evolutionary-not anti theory of evolution, but something that is not productive to survival-is frowned upon. Frustrating. Anyone know any good shows that deal with suicide and depression? Few from my list would be House where Kutner killed himself. Uh, Dead Like Me. which dealt with loss and grieving. Other than that though not too much exposure. Sleep deprivation is interesting. Forgetfulness, strain on the heart, weight gain, psychosis, uh, more depressed mood-I contend that one though. Recently, ive been following the stock market. Trying to find a winning recipe and just generally get excited about the intricate nuances about how to determine worth of a stock. When to buy, when to sell. Following every opinion and speculation for why this stock went up why that one went down. However, suicide and stock markets almost go hand in hand when theirs a depression on either end.