feeling sucidal

so i know i have fucked up yet agin i keep fucking up its my fucking gosh darn emotions i have such extreme anxitey i dont feel safe i dont feel okay i feel lways on edge i defintley feel tense i mean i dont just know anymore i feel like such a loser i wish things were the way they use to be i dont liek how the future is looking i dont like how things will end up and i fucking knew it i fucking knew that life was going to be horrible and it keeps getting shitty and i guess it could be all my fault i just want to go back into time wi guess the difucltey in life is living in now and living with the consequences of my actions i feel like a bad person like mabe iam idk i just dont understand i mean i guess theres alot of things i should be happy for but when is this madness going to end when iam going to take my life i hope i can do it soon i hope to get the guts i mean i have the guts but why dose shit have to be so exepsive now adays and i have to wait for literally evryhting erggg i guess another day  that sucks );