So I recently discovered Demisexuality and I really need more help because I think I That’s what I am :s idk I just really confused help me please ?
Is there a differance? Ya there is ..Love is forever. Lust is just being stuck in what you dreamed about. —-FANTASTIC FANTASY …..THATS TO DIE FOR. BUT THE JEALOUS. FRIEND ALWAYS SCREWS IT UP….THANKS ALOT …..must be. N.I.c.e. having that power over someone. Thanks Devyn that makes 2 girls you did me wrong with.
So when i was about 5 i lost my parents, well at the time none of my family wanted me so i went to foster care. When i was about 8 years old i was adopted by great parents, or at least i thought. Growing up it was alright i got picked on alot though because ive always had short hair my whole life ive had it. Well it wasnt until recently that i had started coming out with being a lesbian. Everyone hated me at my school. I only had one friend which was my sister Amber. Im 13 and shes 14. I became depressed at the age of 10. Well anyways at school no body supported me except for her. Im now going to be a freshman and have attempted suicide 5 time in the past three years. Im a cutter i wont lie and ive hit rock bottom with depression. I need help and if you could i would be grateful. I have a kik: unitedkingdom457 or email email@example.com i maybe shouldnt give that out but im really desparate for help please?
so i know i have fucked up yet agin i keep fucking up its my fucking gosh darn emotions i have such extreme anxitey i dont feel safe i dont feel okay i feel lways on edge i defintley feel tense i mean i dont just know anymore i feel like such a loser i wish things were the way they use to be i dont liek how the future is looking i dont like how things will end up and i fucking knew it i fucking knew that life was going to be horrible and it keeps getting shitty and i guess it could be all my fault i just want to go back into time wi guess the difucltey in life is living in now and living with the consequences of my actions i feel like a bad person like mabe iam idk i just dont understand i mean i guess theres alot of things i should be happy for but when is this madness going to end when iam going to take my life i hope i can do it soon i hope to get the guts i mean i have the guts but why dose shit have to be so exepsive now adays and i have to wait for literally evryhting erggg i guess another day Â that sucks );
It has come to my attention that a particular person has been cyber bullying young girls on this site, i have no way of knowing if it is particular disclosed to this site alone or not, but here- in it is a big issue on here. and there maybe a lot of people on here doing it, i have no way of knowing. so i am going to write this purely on the facts that i have accumulated over a set period of time.Â this said person be-friends these girls and convinces them to talk privately with him or to play onlineÂ games with him, he then will start dropping comments or taking stabs at them for whatever faults he finds. upon this the girls would tell him to stop or threaten to stop talking to him. he would then start acting depressed or threaten to kill himself, which as we all know can not really be taken lightly on here. as time progresses and he gets comfortable with the knowledge that they will not leave him he will then aggressively insulting them and he does so in a particular manipulative way that makes the girls feel like they have done something wrong, or that the whole situation is there fault. and his abuse only gets worse and progresses from there, and in timeÂ he will ask them for nudes and when they refuse he once again usesÂ the suicide tactic, so inÂ essence sexually harassing them. i have no idea if girls have sent him nudes, but as far as the once i know are concerned im confident they haven’t.
Now a lot of you out there will question this and ask “why didn’t they block him or delete him?” well there are a lot of lonely people on here, and there only option is to endure this abuse, or be lonely. now i know loneliness kills, and they would probably be better off not talking to this guy. But a lot of people are afraid to be alone, they would rather do anything than be alone.Â and that is a big problem, alot of us are lonely or socially awkward so we cling to the people that socialize with us or are our “friends” when people are put in those situations they are classified as “perfect victims.”
Now down to the point, doing something, or similar things like this is wrong. its just wrong plain and simple. there are so many different outcomes that can stem from that situation. you can make people distrusting of other people, which makes them paranoid which will probably lead to them having no friends, being lonely and possible suicide. another out come that could occur is that these people actually believe what is said and lower there self worth which puts them in situations that could possibly lead to there depression capitalizing and taking there life.
what i want people to know is that there is no need to put yourself in those types of situations. there are people out there for you, personally i have found so many wonderful people that im not afriad of ending up alone anymore and i have started to get better.
i know personally due to my own interactions that the suicide project is here for you, the people are here for you, do not let anybody dictate your lives or make you feel like you are worthless, or stupid, or not wanted.
and down to the last notice. it is never good to send nude pictures out online where you dont really know who the receiver is.Â alot of people can put on an act or facade. but i know people still send nudes out, and thats expected there are alot of young people on here. but dont let anyone bully you or talk you into doing if, if you dont want to do it. you never know what can happen
I don’t know how to say this but here it goes:
“Useless, Ugly, Hated, Misunderstood, Piece of crap” are words to describe myself. I’ve never been help to anyone, all I’ve ever been was a bother. A bother to my parents, my friends, my relatives, my family and all. No wonder I get screamed at alot of times. I’m useless. No matter how hard I try, things always turn out wrong and dissapointing. I’ve never known a happy ending, other than those in the fairytales. But fairytales are not real, never will be. Some people will just say “Life’s what you make it”. But that doesn’t work for me. My life is not what I make it. My life is what other people make. I don’t have enough strangth myself to do things on my own (mentally). My best friend tried to comfort me and stuff but I’m such a bother to her. She’s so kind to help out a suicidal freak while I’m just messing up. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth to live, because I’m nothing but a bother to everyone. It’s better if i’m out of their lives forever.I want to be strong and not cry whenevr something’s not right. BUt that’s not who I am. I’m way too sensitive on everything. I’m sick of people judging me, but whenever I decide to stay strong about everything that’s happening in my life, I just seem to shed down in a stream of uncontrollable tears. I just feel like I’m a failure.
I’m not sure if you get what I’m trying to say because overall, I’m not good at anything: that includes explaining stuff. At the end of the day, I can’t deal with it anymore. it’s too much. I cry myself to sleep everynight just to wake up to another day of suffering. Any ideas on what I should do?
I’m not really sure how this is done so I suppose I’ll just go ahead and start off. (I apologize if it’s hard to follow.)
Uhm, well, I was actually raised relatively well, all things considered. Both parents were present, working, and in healthy condition. I was also the only child within the household.
Life was prettyÂ privileged, normal, but rather quiet, as everyone mainly kept to themselves in the household. There weren’t any major conflicts or fights, and alot of my time, along with my father, was spent on the Computer, whether it ranged from activities such as educational programs or games or whatever I used to do as a little kid. However, my dad had always been an introvert, and he always had kept to himself, having very few friends, but nonetheless, close. Along with being introverted, my father suffered from anxiety and depression, tried to take medication for it, but he said it didn’t really do much for him.Â In fact, depression was actuallyÂ hereditaryÂ within his side of the family, spanning from his mother, down to his sister, into him, and later on, into me. But I digress.
So, recently, on January 5th, 2012, my fatherÂ committedÂ suicide. I believe he shot himself with a .22, for those of you who were curious. Now, this whole incident started with my parents discussing about getting a divorce around Christmas Eve, my dad moving out of the House shortly afterwards into an apartment, and thenÂ committingÂ suicide in his apartment on the 5th. Incidentally, my birthday was about two weeks later; Oh and I’m sixteen years old. I have no doubt that this may come as a surprise to some, or it may be normal around this sort of site, I honestly have no idea.
But anyway, now that I have provided some background into myÂ dilemma, I’ll just get to my point of writing this in the first place. I… well… I hate myself. To put it bluntly. I absolutely, completely despise myself. I’m not exactly sure how to word it… Well, according to people who I consider “Friends”, although they’re more likeÂ acquaintances, I’m actually pretty funny, relatively smart, and a genuinely good person. However, I honestly see myself as terrible. Why? Well, I feel as though I am selfish because I desire attention to the point where It urks me and makes me groan in frustration. There are so many selfish things I desire to do, so desperately, while at the same time, I hate spending time with some of my closer friends, although I would rather try to get the attention of those who don’t matter… popular people, primarily on the internet. This leads into another thing, just like my dad, I spend alot of the time on my computer… whether it be Skype or whatever. I also like to Roleplay. Gah. I’m getting so off topic…
Anyhow… my point is… if anyone is still reading this… I just… I feel as though my mind is falling apart. Throughout my life I’ve always wanted to be recognized, to be acknowledged and known for my good deeds. I’ve tried to desperately to maintain myself, and to try and live a life of good… but the longer I keep up this… this… by now, almost an act, I start desiring more and more evil, becoming more selfish, becoming an angrier person overall… I just… I don’t understand myself. I don’t know what to do. Everyday now, I want to scream… I want someone to hold… someone to love… and… at the end of the day… if I can’t have these things… I’d much rather die.
I feel so cold, so abandoned, so misunderstood, that there’s no one there, no one here, and nearly everyone in my life has someone, whether it be a close friend or someone to love. Hell, my mom already has a damn boyfriend… Every day I feel more and more like I want to cry, like no one cares, and no one even can care, because no one can understand the predicament I’m in. Along with that, everyone that I’ve ever been with has either lied to me, left me, and cheated on me…
I simply don’t understand how people can simply compliment me, tell me I’m a good person, tell me I’m funny, smart, cute or whatever… yet, whenever it comes to relationships and things, I’m always the second priority, there’s always someone better than me, and all of my good traits are never enough to make anyone happy… let alone myself…
Also… I think really… really… logically. I’m an analytic. I suck at dealing with emotions and dealing with people, and common human touching, such as hugging and things of that nature. Hell, I haven’t even had a first kiss yet. I get chronic headaches, over think things, and always feel as though no one can understand me… I just… It gets so frustrating, and overwhelming… I need someone to talk to.
This is why I hurt.
This is why I hate living.
This is why I want to die.
Now, please, can someone help me? Does anyone understand what it’s like… in my position…? To beÂ privileged, to have everything and more than the next person could ever desire, yet still desire more and hate himself? Please… help me or forever hold your peace.
Well have not been on in a long while now …been going through alot of problems , just back to say hey and to check up on people
So, I haven’t been on here for a few months actually, I thought my life turned around, at first my life seemed worthwhile, but…. I’m back. and honestly, this time I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be as sad as I am right now, I’m graduating highschool in a few months, I have to get a grad dress and a date. I have to decide what I want to be career-wise, but before that, college/university.. I should be ecstatic about all this happening right now.
but I’m not. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t have an answer for you. Once again, I just feel so empty, I feel like I’m spent, my emotions have been running on high alot lately. Things have changed. People that I thought would be around forever, are gone. haven’t talked or seen my friend K in over 7 months, and I’m not exaggerating when I say this guy was my anchor, he kept me grounded, he kept me happy. He taught me that I could not care about people for once, and just care about me. that I could act like that with him and only him. I was comfortable with him, he was my brother. but he’s gone. and my heart left with him.
and now, and pardon me, for I may sound selfish, but I’m left with these other friends, that don’t quite get me like he did. I’m still relieved that I do HAVE friends, but they just don’t care like he did, now before I go on any further, I do have ONE friend that actually truly is there for me, that I can talk to about anything (not that I do, some secrets are too deep to tell) She’s become my red kryptonite, I feel strong around her, I just don’t know. but my other friends, they have been drifting away, all picking up their stuff and leaving me, one. by. one. they all leave. at first it was subtle, they’d hang out with other people but still say hi to me, and that was fine, because I was used to that, but now, when I see them in the halls they just pretend like they don’t see me or their too busy to stop and chat.
it does hurt. but they are not the only ones to blame. I too, am in fault. I push people away. alot. without even realizing it. I pushed away the only truly decent guy that’s ever liked me for some jerk that just wanted to get into my pants (he didn’t though, I pushed him away too) I’m truly damaged.
I’ve even started cutting again! what a surprise huh? I’ve stopped cutting in the obvious spots though, so people will continue to think that I’ve stopped. but I do still cut, I cut farther up on my arm, almost on the shoulder. honestly, I cut just before I started writing this post, I’m going to be wearing a shirt with sleeves tomorrow I guess. I just want to sleep forever. is that too much to ask?
Every morning when im wakeing up im still wondering why im still here.
Im been bullied hole my young life from my second grade to seventh grade.
I been beaten, called names, push around and much more. When i was 15 years old
i try to take my own life by drowning my self to river. I was in the river swiming couple
hours just around and around waiting my strenght to run out. Then i started to feel weak.
Then i sit to one rock and thinking now or never. I was thinking about alot of things
but i dunno enymore what make my mind to chance from the killing my self. Maybe
i thinked there is too much pain left for the family and friends. I dont know.
When i was 18 to 20 years old i was deeply depressed, cuz i had no friends at that
time. i was alone vanishing away from my own life. I was just laying there whit no
hope left. I drown my bad feeling by drinking, drugs and eating away doing nothing
else. I didnt have work or enything i just sit on my computer. But then i get back on
my feet getting to accepted to school.
Now im 23 years old and everything from my past is coming back from shadows
everythings that i didnt know there was about my family what i just push down
not thinking about it twice. Now im seeing everything cuz i have open my eyes to this
world. My mom is alcoholic, my dad is trying the best keep everything in order.
But im thinking my dad isnt going to be around very long after my youngest brother
moves out. There is alot things coming back to me now when i realy start thinking
about every thing and i dont know do i have strenght to deal whit everything. Im just
too weak right now to deal everything. Im just thinking about killing my self cuz this
world is just joke be for we go to the other side. I think about that day when i was 15
why i didnt do it and save my self from this bullshit.
do you ever feel you shouldnt feel the way you feel you feel like you done something wrong. people always say you have nothing to worry about stop being so depressed. ive been through alot and seen too much. thats about as real as it gets. i have “excuses”.some people just dont understand. walk in my shoes, go ahead. comment if you hear me.
ok so my best friend is 13 and beautiful shes smaler bulit, blonde hair blue eyes and an amazing smile. she was happy most of the time and always was talking about twiight she was all about the cullens and she went to a normal middle school and had friends who cared and loved her, but she didnt see that, she saw her self so much differnt, i know this site is for kids who are thinking wrong and in a bad place, but if u keep that life up you wll be in the same stop that kaitie is in.. gone, dont get me wrong kaitie is now the happyest she will ever be,she is with ther dad who also killed himslef a few years back, sadly she died the same way he did, hung themslf, its so sad to think that a young girl didnt even get tio hight school, her death was a suck to some people kaitie was bullied by alot of kids. and her mom, well was not the best. she sad a younger brother and a sister too and a brother who was the same age, because of her death her brother is now in hight school with out her, and has a real smoking problem. hes been affected by her death like a bunch of other kids have too her mom had a rinking problem befiore now, its worst. and me, well i went to the hospital mulitplye times beacase i gave up, i miss her but relized kids are out there who feel the same why they put on a mask and go thright the day like there ok but they go home and cry, i know i was that kid. and so was katie, about a month after her dr=eath a freind of hers and mine… dies too. 13 same age, we did things together all the time we where known as the 3 besties.. now it was just mean, alone, i made a promose to the whole school body i was gunna fight till them eb=[nd and do everything i can to help as many kids as i can… i want this buling and hurt and deat to STOP!!!!! noone need to feel that everyday. if u need to talk pleas let me know iv been to hell and back! ima really good listen and will do just thast!!!! thank you for taking the tim e to read kaites and alexus’s story there my new life and i will live for them and push foroward!! love you all god blss and rpi my anagels!!~
well my life sucks .. ive drinken ALOT of pills but it never seems to kill me not even do anything to me .. i have to much problems & surpisingly i am only 14 .. i have pressure at school at home everywere i ust want to die & get it over with .. how can i kill my self ?
Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2010/: yeah, there was drama.. but not as bad as now. I miss old friends, and family. I miss all living together in one house and not worrying about who I’ll be spending Christmas. When friends were forever, or even just a day. and there was really not alot that could depress me… my life now… -complete opposite-
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, but alot of this was induced by my past.
My next thought when they said “the parents hope their kids are young enought to forget” HOW CAN YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT! Its just not possible i tried to, and eventually after years of suppressing the memories i broke, i cracked under the pressure. 6th grade i lost control, what little control i had. I had evaded telling anyone about when i was raped, cause my grandma told me “to keep it a secret”
Then the gun, a few year back i was in a shooting in a port orchard walmart in washington state, being rushed to the back of the store, hearing the gunshots ring out. I didnt see it but the noise, its not somthing you forget. When i was raped i was yelled at… a lot to keep quiet.. then the gun shots they didnt help. Getting yelled at can send me into a panic attack or even a seizure.
So then i started thinking about my faimaly.. the side that abandoned me after i told on my brother. After we went to court and i won they wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt like i knife. I wanted to die, i wasnt lieing so why was i STILL getting punished. Growing up learning to “tell the truth” it will get better, and the oppisate happens. It just doesnt sit right in your mind. So i looked up my brothers on facebook, and looked through his photos.
I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE GRADUATED!! i didnt know, i watchedÂ a video last time i shall him he was learning to play guitar, when i watched the video he was doing an acousitic to far from home by five star death punch. He’s so good.. and i never knew. I read his status, learning about him, learning about my brother. MY OWN BLOOD.
Then i looked up my mom, the one i have a restraining order on… for abusing and neglecting me… i shall my youngest brother photo. I’ve only me him once. He was 2 maybe 3. He’s six now. I bet he doesnt even remember me and the faimaly never talks about me and if they do he probally thinks im “evil.. ” and nothing will change his mind.
I wanna cut, i wanna die. I feel this overwelming feeling of greif, sadness despair and i dont know how to get rid of it. My head cant wrap around any of this. And i know its selfish.. that this shooting has caused so many emotions and that im upset.
Its just anything, any death, it gets me thinking. Why couldnt it be me.. i dont wanna live. I wish i was never born. This feeling of sadness is not worth my life.
Nothing makes sense anymore, since i found out santas not real, wishes dont come true, fairy tails dont exsist, and memories are the things you just have to miss.
Everyone complains about how they “hate” their brother and sisters, imagin knowing you have 3 brothers. And not being able to talk to any of them. To watch from afar. To IMAGIN arugments you may have. And wishing the last time you shall them. You hugged them just a little bit tighter and never let go.
Yes im mad at my older brother for taking advantage of me, but loosing my faimaly, loosing everything i’ve ever known just is just to hard to bear, with all these feelings. I wanna be able to talk about this with my 2nd oldest brother…. be able to hug my youngest. And maybe figure out a way to repair the one with the oldest. All i have , is the last faimaly photo. From when i was in 5th possibly 6th grade before i told. And honestly I miss those days.
What if i hadnt told, maybe my PTSD would have never become so strong.. i could maybe really have forgotten about it. I maybe could have still had my faimaly. But thats all over now.. just a memory in a dream. That you wake up wishing you could exspirence for a few more minutes but its gone. Just like my life soon will be.
I’mÂ 15 and I cant understand why I am alive. Â Life just seems pointless, we live we get hurt we die. the end
is thereÂ somethingÂ like a point to it ? I understandÂ there’sÂ happiness in live but is it really worth Â all the pain we go through?
My heart has been broken so many times IÂ don’tÂ even know ifÂ there’sÂ any of it left. Â Everyone iv ever loved in my life has been
taken away from me some how, my step dad died of cancer and my mom was taken by drugs and my dad by alcohol . my sisters
following down the same path as my mother. I have a boyfriend who i care about very much but i cant help but think its just a matter of
timeÂ beforeÂ he gets taken away too.Â I’mÂ not good enough for him anyway. Â It’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because
I sit thereÂ debatingÂ onÂ whether or not its worth it, because i know its just gonna be Â another day full of heart break and pain.
Death can end it all and end the pain but there are reasons iÂ haven’t killed myself yet, On of them being my best friendÂ who’sÂ Â been there for me from theÂ beginning shes my other half and i love her to death. and thenÂ there’sÂ my boyfriend who i care about alot but I think they both will do fine without me. I was talking to my therapist Â and she asked me why iÂ haven’tÂ been eating enough and i told her because food is theÂ enemyÂ and the enemy cant win, then she asked whatÂ happensÂ when u starve to death , who wins then? and i told her, Everyone.
I am a very fucked up person and iÂ don’tÂ think anyone really understands my way of thinking. I care about my friends and my boyfriend alot , they make me the happiest iv ever been especially my boyfriend he always makes me smile butÂ there’sÂ always this part of me that cant help thinking its too good to be true. Â But then again isnt any happiness too good to be true.
Yah no i feel a whole lot better. Glad i joined this .thanks everyone for saving me . Y’all mean alot have a safe holiday and merry christmas && a happy new year loves take care . I hope you all Change your mind. <3 with love , hailey <333
About a week ago I found out how fucked up my family is, my mums an actress so she goes on tours alot and my dad is a psychotherapist who has been trying to get his quilification for 11 years!
My dad is a lazy alchoholic but he dosent hit me, but he manipulates my emotions until i’m crying in your room for an hour or 4. My mum hates him because she has payed about 250,000 punds on his training so we’re broke. My brother ignores it by doing working and other activities. My dad is very….. destructive, of people and my stuff. He has probly broken about 1,000 punds worth of my possessions. When my mum got a job in USA and she decided to move me and my bro with her but not my dad. My dad, when he visited, buried her jewellry in Central Park because he was 100% sure she was cheating on him (which she wasnt). My extened family is very fucked up aswell. I do not know what to do at all. My parents are breaking up and I dont know what to do. My dad blames my mum for not loving him (havent had sex in 5 years) and my mum blames my dad Â for being an achoholic! What should I do!?!?!?!!?
This one time I saw a little girl eating ice cream and playing with her little brother. Her hair was puffy and cute. Full of volume. she had glasses and she looked happy. She was smiling. She looked about 7-8 years of age. When i saw her my heart filled with joy of how cute she looked. i wanted to hug her because she looked really cute, but all I did was yell “oh my god look at that childâ€™s hair!” and i pointed at her. Like a *****. LIKE AN IDIOT. I went home and didnâ€™t say a word to anyone. I locked myself in my room. And I thought about how her little face turned expressionless. i kept thinking about how much of a ***** I was. in front of everyone. I pointed at her and embarrassed her. i was 13. Much older than her. and i did that shit. i hated myself. i began to remember when kids would push me around in the playground. How im ugly and all the kids hated me. Because i was annoying and weird. so i took a box cutting blade and i swiped it across both my wrists. i felt like i hurt her, a lot. And I couldnâ€™t forgive myself for doing something like that. Something that broke me because it was done to me so many times when i was younger i couldnâ€™t forgive myself for hurting an innocent little girl. So i walked back and said “Iâ€™m sorry i didnâ€™t mean it like that, i meant your hair is very pretty Iâ€™ve always wanted it like that”. Her ice cream fell and she just stared at me. expressionless. i stood up and said “im sorry i didnâ€™t mean it like that” i hated myself. i hated what i did. and i couldnâ€™t forgive myself. To this day i still cant. Iâ€™m ashamed, and i always will be.
The term, “I cant live without you” is really sticking with me. I’m and 18 year old female. I’m in love with another female. We’ve been dating over a year now. I’m never been in love like this. I even dated someone over 2 years .. still never felt this way. She is truely the love of my life. I dont even think of us as being in a ‘relationship’ .. I think .. thought of us as ONE. My soul is tied to hers. I feel so empty now .. now that she’s gone. I need to be close to her. I need to kiss her. I need to interact with her. I just want us to be happy. We’ve been through alot over this passed year. Verbal abuse & physical abuse .. but we stayed strong together. I admit it was my fault.. I was young and dumb. I always thought that she’d be there. I think of us as one. I think of us as always being together no matter what, because our love was THAT strong .. I messed up. I had an attitude problem, I was cocky, I was mean.. Most of the time we argued. but all the other times, our relationship was PERFECT. idk, I’m blind , im stupid. I cant function without her. I cant live without her. I promised over and over that I would change .. & she believed me .. but I blew it. I never thought this day would come .. that she would leave me .. for good. It’s been about a week & i swear I’ve changed. I would do anything for that girl !! anything for us to be together. I never ever want to lose her… she means sooo much to me, & i know its hard to believe because of our past, but ive made MISTAKES . I never cheated. But I was always mad at something. There’s no excuse.. but stress plays a big part in this situation. I was a senior in high school, and I was going through alot.. but SHE was the one who was always there for me & i took it all out on her. I wish I can go back .. My ex before her messed up my mind. fucked me up real bad. and I took it out on her. Even though she was sooo perfect, I took my past out on her. I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t do anything right … but she is the love of my life. and I am sooo very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I cant live without her. She wont believe that I’ve changed. She doesnt want to work on us because of all the stuff I put her though. But I promise, I have changed this time. Time really does alot. & this short amount of time away from her really CHANGED me. It helped me to really realize my mistakes and my bad decisions. I used to get mad at the stupidest things. Without any communication .. I always assumed things.. communication is the key. If i could just go back in time and change everything I would .. I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart… But now she wont take me back. I CANT LIFE WITHOUT HER. I cannot survive without her. I need her back. I need her to see that I’ve changed for myself, for her & for US. I cant live without her. & if I cant have her .. I will not live…