Can’t take it

I just can’t take life anymore. Everything bothers me. I remember once when I was a kid my mom was so mad at me for accidentally spilling my juice all over the bed sheet, she came in yelled and me and hit me a few times, then she tried to suffocate me with the blanket, i was crying for help but my dad just stood outside and ignored me, I still remember that moment 6 years later. the next day my parents we’re trying to avoid me like they tried to pretend i didn’t exist, i also heard my mom and dad were trying for a new baby so they could get rid of me. they always treated me unfairly always my sister first, then me. one time my grandma said to me when i was born my dad actually thought of putting me up for adoption saying he didn’t not want a boy but my grandma didn’t allow him to do so. ever since i had those memories i just felt more alone. i don’t have much friends at school, life is always unfair to me because my sister always gets w/e she wants just because shes a girl. i can’t cope with it i just want to kill my self and end it. Iv’e thought about suicide plenty of times but i just don’t know if i could do it, one more push and I’m done ill be free from this fucking life.