I was thinking about the other night,  “Why did anything changeâ€, and I realised how it changed, I grew up and went into high school I thought it would be something I would love to be at but, to be honest, I didn’t think it’d be this hard. This hard to get up every morning and knowing something bad will happen, and most of the time I’m right. It sucks having to walk down those crowded hallways realising you’re different from everyone else because of your past, because of what you’ve done to yourself and what people think about you. Most of the things people think about me are just rumors that someone had heard from their friends. I’m starting to think that the silly little words people call me are true. I hear them that much it’s like they are shouting something I don’t know about myself at me. I’m not strong and I’m so gullible, I believe what people tell me very easily even when my friends keep telling to ignore them it just floats in my mind. There will be at least one person trying to make my life hell at school and some days it works. Even when I walk into a full school, a full class or a full house I fell so lonely. Having no one to talk to about my problems except a wall, it seems like no one is hearing my screams for help and no one has seen how many scars I have because of the words they have poisoned me with. Bursting out into tears and pouring my feelings into a message to a friend has never been my forte, I’d always help them through their problems but kept mine under a smile I put on so no one would ask questions. I’m running away from all of my problems and soon enough I’ll be running away from society.
Dakota always told me never to give up, that this battle will only be over when I over come depression and my self-harm urges. Maybe someday I’ll be one of those kids who never gave up trying.
5 comments
Yes don’t give up. Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz0Utl30A0U
The mighty Scurlogue Champ never gave up. This dog was a freak of nature and during the 80’s people used to travel from all over the country to see him. There has never been anything like him. He’d frequently give his rivals a 30 metre start and a beating. I know he’s a dog and we are humans but you still have to respect his determination. We need to follow that example and never give up.
Hey, it’s just high school. It gets better after this.
You can get through this.
You can email me if wanted: brl.cents@gmail.com
I feel the same way in my high school. It’s even worse because its a “Christian” school so everyone thinks that I’m even weirder bc of that.
The school I was at was a Catholic school and most people mocked me for being different, then I moved to a public school where no one knew me but I’m still mocked for being at a Catholic “stuck up”, “bitchy”, “posh” school.
I know eventually it will but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a place where I don’t belong