The depression, the insanity, it all hit me hard, down into the ground. It all started happening again a month ago. I was doing better. I have become worst than I have been in months.  The voices in my head became louder, the nightmares became horrid, the blade is waiting there for me, AND the stress just sitting there own my shoulders. “Maryjane” has been my only friend there for me. I just cant do whatever this is anymore. I don’t even  know what to do anymore. I wish I had the courage to eventually to just end it all. But, I’m hanging in there.Â
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This is me, this very moment. But I read somewhere that the courage we want to gain to just end it all, isn’t even courage. It’s weakness. And the fact that we’re still hanging in there means we have courage.
I’ve found that certain foods trigger that mania/depression for me. I stick to fresh fruit and veg as much as I can and it helps. I know that seems flippant but it really does wonders. Maybe, just to try something different, keep a food diary and note how you feel a couple hours after you eat, maybe you’ll see a pattern like I did. Bread and milk make me want to die, so does booze, so I avoid those as often as I can <3
im here if you ever want to talk, i know that exact feeling and if it helps you arent alone, im sure you’ve heard that but its true