That’s very honourable of you, not many people would undertake to live for such causes. I too made a D that I have to live for not just this one person in particular, but what she stands for. I want to say it’s put my mind at ease, but the fact I’m still here on SP speaks for itself. I fight that very same urge to kill myself every…single…day…and it scares me that my personal circumstances have deteriorated *that* much that I’m willing to lose it all just to get a single moment of relief.
Because essentially that’s what it is.
I could put a round in my noggin right now, go through a nano second of pain, a brief moment of relief, and insta-perma-death for eternity. I have to remind myself that each time I get the urge.
Maybe you should remember that too. Live for your family, maybe they’ll never understand, but at least you’ll know.
Count me on this club. I’m mostly living because i don’t want to hurt someone in my close family… doesn’t take away the suicidal thoughts tho… it’s a very loving thing to do tho… and really hard one also. My respects to you for trying to pull it off.
@ Rare Echelon Thanks for your comment. I kinda agree, that it would just be one moment of relief, although to me that one moment will be the hardest and most painful moment of all. What I look forward to is an end to all this suffering, even if I won’t feel that relief. I will also not feel that suffering anymore. That’s what I really wish for. But whatever the reason, if it keeps you going, then it’s a good one I suppose. Hang in there, I know what it’s like to wish for death every second of your day and it’s not an easy thing to live through at all.
@ keief I’m also mostly living not to hurt my family. Sure, I’ll have relief if/when I end my life and hopefully will stop suffering, but they will truly be destroyed and the same goes for all our loved ones. It’s really like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. This existence is truly a prison sentence.
4 comments
That’s very honourable of you, not many people would undertake to live for such causes. I too made a D that I have to live for not just this one person in particular, but what she stands for. I want to say it’s put my mind at ease, but the fact I’m still here on SP speaks for itself. I fight that very same urge to kill myself every…single…day…and it scares me that my personal circumstances have deteriorated *that* much that I’m willing to lose it all just to get a single moment of relief.
Because essentially that’s what it is.
I could put a round in my noggin right now, go through a nano second of pain, a brief moment of relief, and insta-perma-death for eternity. I have to remind myself that each time I get the urge.
Maybe you should remember that too. Live for your family, maybe they’ll never understand, but at least you’ll know.
Count me on this club. I’m mostly living because i don’t want to hurt someone in my close family… doesn’t take away the suicidal thoughts tho… it’s a very loving thing to do tho… and really hard one also. My respects to you for trying to pull it off.
@ Rare Echelon Thanks for your comment. I kinda agree, that it would just be one moment of relief, although to me that one moment will be the hardest and most painful moment of all. What I look forward to is an end to all this suffering, even if I won’t feel that relief. I will also not feel that suffering anymore. That’s what I really wish for. But whatever the reason, if it keeps you going, then it’s a good one I suppose. Hang in there, I know what it’s like to wish for death every second of your day and it’s not an easy thing to live through at all.
@ keief I’m also mostly living not to hurt my family. Sure, I’ll have relief if/when I end my life and hopefully will stop suffering, but they will truly be destroyed and the same goes for all our loved ones. It’s really like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. This existence is truly a prison sentence.
:'(
How do you all go on when every thought is either about dying or something to do with self hatred? I’m so miserable. :'(