I have come to a realisation about myself. I have realised i am beyond my own control. I usto think that I could rule my mind with an iron fist, that i could stop the darkness, with nothing but my will. It vexed me, Oh how it vexed me when i failed but then i realised something. I realised the reason i failed was because i was not ment to succeed. Why would i be ment to change what and who I am?
I have faught the darkness in me for far too long. Now i realise i was never ment to fight it, I was ment to revel in it, I was ment to surrender to the darkness and allow it to become me, to complete me. I faught the darkness all my life but now i realise it wasnt ment to be faught, that the reason it never left me was not because it seeked to torment me but because it loved me, and wanted me to be what i was ment to be. Now i realise it was me that was wrong. I stand in the door of my mind and as you come once more i shall greet you like the long lost best friend you always were, and we shall clasp eachother and slowly the darkness will take its place, I shall become the darkness and the darkness shall become me. No longer will i fight it, but give into it, and i will be liberated. I will revel in the darkness and i shall feel what i always wanted, i shall feel free
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Whoa…excellent. Perfect. Surrender. The word for me this year is SURRENDER. Just like you are doing. I should come back to what you wrote here over and over. Beautiful.
or rather… accept that the darkness, aka “the shadow,” and all it contains or conceals, is also part of you; it’s part of everyone. Only some accept it; only some admit it; only some are able to successfully integrate with it… most people “reject it from themselves,” and watch in horror as they perceive it manifesting as events in the world, believing it separate from themselves. Those are people who fear the darkness, and they fear it because it is unknown, because they have not faced it, have not fought those monsters, have not gazed into that abyss… and have not felt that abyss gaze back into them.
They fear that darkness, and they will fear you along with it… while it is only themselves, they should fear… because their refusal and/or inability to confront their own true selves, and their subsequent rejection of self-knowledge, prevents them from controlling what all that rejected darkness will manifest into the same world we all share.
You don’t have to “be darkness.” But “stepping through my [your] shadow, coming out the other side,” should clear the way toward understanding yourself, and becoming who you truly are… which can indeed be a terrifying process… but which should also lead to the appreciation of what Jung deemed “the privilege of a lifetime” (becoming who you truly are).
But don’t worry: it’s just more “you” in there. No sense being afraid of yourself. You have more chance to control yourself, than you do anyone else… even if it’s a bit scary to face the fact that you might not be who you always thought you were, or who you wanted to think you would become.