Throughout my life I’ve been rather fearless but there are a couple of things that always scared me – death by suffocation or drowning and being burned to death. Maybe it’s the fact of having no control in the moment. Like being trapped in a burning car or having something heavy fall and being pinned to the ground, unable to breath or fight in any way.
But last night I had a dream. In this dream there were no circumstances or long, drawn out situations. Just the perception of burning; burning away all my useless flesh and taking my physical pain and disabilities away with it. And leaving nothing behind but bare bones, the same as anybody Else’s bones – clean, untwisted and pure. No more useless, diseased flesh hanging on those bones. In my mind it felt so good…
Then I woke up to the pain, to the inability to move, to the struggle I face every day with the fucking medications and planning every moment around what I can and cannot do. And what I can do fraught with intense pain and stubborn immobility.
It’s fucked that I can’t just wake up and find that I am fee. Just once. Or stop waking up altogether.
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Love to you, nozmoking. ‘it’s fucked that I can’t just wake and find that I am free. Just once. Or stop waking altogether’ I feel the same.
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.
It breaks my heart to hear words such as yours being spoken, yet I can only hope that your next dream will be one of total freedom for what you suffer from. I can’t say that I know how you feel because I don’t but I what I can say is that as long as your alive there is still hope and your miracle can be in the making as I type this. Such a precious thing.. This life we have, although doesn’t seem fair a lot of times it is ours for now and each day we breathe is a gift from God. I am sorry you have the feelings you do nozmoking. My heart breaks for you that you feel there is no hope of you ever being Free… Know that there is hope.. His name is Jesus, and He died to set you Free.. I stumbled upon this website this afternoon while searching out “how many hydrocodone can someone take safely” for my husband as he is permanently disabled and in an enormous amount of pain most of his days, I don’t know if this was something that God put in my internet search path I like to believe that it was.. I am a christian woman who has an enormous amount of Faith, my husband is alive today because I believe his testimony will change the lives of many in the near years to come.. And I believe that you are here for that very same reason. Don’t give up Hope, Jesus went to the cross so we can all be set free, so we can all be healed and do great things for The Kingdom of God. To live in eternal freedom with Him.. My prayer for you tonight is that as you go to sleep that you sleep in peace, that your body and mind get much needed rest and that God shows you part of this plan He has for your life.. Although you may not think He does. He does and He will bring it to pass if you just trust in Him and know that His plan is far greater than anything we could ever plan for ourselves. He is the giver of life, The bright morning star!! He is your healer.. And His greatest desire is to be loved by you and have a close relationship with you.. I hope as you read this, you do so with an open mind and heart, that you feel the presence of God upon you and you feel His peace over take you.. I will keep you in my prayers daily.. Sorry if you feel I am butting in, but your story jumped out at me and I felt I needed to post my thoughts and words as I know they are not truly mine , they are HIS for you!! Be blessed and I pray you sleep well and peaceful.. Know that you are loved beyond anything you could ever imagine and your MIRACLE is coming.. <3
Useless flesh? My flesh is very useful 😀
Prince if his plan is so great why does it involve hunger and cancer? 😀
Dredd.. I really think you should sit down and ask Him these questions. I can’t answer that, all I can do is give my opinion to people who I see hurting and hope that in their darkness they can see HIS light.
Yeah which is why he should manifest himself in front of me so I can ask him.
I pray you have an encounter with Him one day and I pray that when He calls upon you, you answer Him.. He loves you!!
Don’t forget that I am talking about physical manifestation in front of me and 10+ other people. If he loves me he can do it.
Dredd, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but what I do know is who I am in Christ and what I believe, my relationship with Him is personal as it should be for everyone who has a relationship with Him.. I simply post what I feel I need to say just as most of you on here do and that’s it. If you feel you need validation from God that He is in fact real then you need to ask Him to “manifest” himself to you, yourself. He has already shown Himself to me in many ways. I wanted to touch on something you stated earlier about if God’s plan was so great why does it involve hunger and cancer? I can’t speak on the hunger because I have never experience such poverty and sadness, although heartbreaking that it exists, I can’t tell you why it does because I am simply Not God and nowhere near being Him. What I can comment on is the cancer part of it. I am the wife of a cancer survivor, my husband who is now 48 was not suppose to live to this age he was suppose to be dead before he turned 23 according to the Dr’s at UCSF. However he did not. He is alive today and cancer free, although his journey has not be easy and our lives have been forever altered he is here to be a father to our children, a son to his parents and my husband because I believe God had a bigger plan for Him… Today he tells his story to others who are suffering and without Hope because at several times in my husbands life he too was without hope from time to time. I simply want others to know that despite what they go through or how horrible the pain they are going through that this isn’t necessarily the end. There is HOPE in Jesus… It is what I believe even more so every morning I wake up and see my husband alive and breathing in front of me. For his healing and cancer free I am forever thankful.
I can’t ask him to manifest because I don’t even know if he exists or not. To ask him I must talk to him. And how can I talk to him if he doesn’t appear before me? I can’t.
Besides with his omnipotence I don’t think it would be too hard for him to appear in front of me.
As for cancer 10 million per year die from it every year. He has no plan for those people?
As for not being the end are you suggesting that we go to heaven when we die? That makes suffering even more pointless then if there is nothing after death because why would god create world where people get tortured just so they can leave it later. You ain’t making no sense lady.
As for asking him I don’t know god but you say that you do. So you ask him to manifest before me so I can have a conversation. Because I want to talk to somebody other then myself.
Also you don’t believe in hell do you?
FUCK OFF. YOUR TRIBAL MEME IS DETRIMENTAL, NOT HELPFUL. GO SING YOUR SONG AT CHURCH BECAUSE THIS ISN’T THE VENUE FOR IT.
CapsLock=cruise control for cool.
Dredd, I guess if you don’t believe He exists then there is no need for Him to manifest Himself in front of you. For we walk by Faith not by Sight. Believing what you can’t see is called having Faith He exists. I am not here to convince you to change your life or to believe in something you don’t believe in I am here just giving my opinion on these posts like everyone else. And Bullfrog, I am sorry you are so upset at my posts and feel the anger you clearly feel, but this is an open forum for anyone to post and speak what they want to say, I can only suggest if you don’t want to hear what I say then don’t comment on what I post. We all have a choice to believe what we do and to live how we live, I am not judging anyone and have not comment in such a way to insinuate that I am just posting my feelings and opinions.
Well that’s the problem. If he loves me and wants me to believe in him he should manifest in reality and I will. Why would he want to hide from me if he wants me to believe in him? All he has to do is manifest and I will believe. Why is it so hard?
So do you believe in hell?
Dredd, it was nice hearing you thoughts on things, I pray that He does show Himself to you one day if He hasn’t already tonight.. Be blessed, Gnite
“For we walk by Faith not by Sight” – You have to be joking. What you’ve said is ‘we are guided by words that are mostly disprovable and at best are vague enough that they can’t be proved or disproved due to the nature of the allegory as opposed to using our senses and brains to evaluate reality.’
Faith isn’t a virtue, it’s the enemy of logic. Wherever credulity or naivete exists Faith is waiting and willing to swoop in and exploit it. Fucking disgusting.
Bullfrog’s definition of faith: blind belief in that which is unprovable, immeasurable and unquantitative. Ie, you’d be an idiot to believe something on faith alone.
Faith gets some people by in the day to day struggles that they face. I used to chalk the horrible things up to God’s plan, but looking back, it was just a way of ignoring reality. It’s a cruel world and definitely not a fair one at that. I think it brings comfort to believers that things balance out in the afterlife. I lean towards death as being the oblivion experienced before birth. And that is a comforting idea.