Its been a while since my last post. My life turned around for the good and I came back fighting. But now I’m here and I don’t understand. I’m 18 now, a senior in high school. I have what I want to some degree. A good job, good friends, and the love of my life. But maybe its stupid and maybe its just a minor thing but it throws me out of wack. My absences from school have become alot. I guess maybe its a senior thing but I just can’t stand being treated like a child and doing work I know is bullshit. But now my school is threatening to not allow me to graduate. I’m a good student, even though I’m absent I get the work done. I know this seems so minor and I don’t even know if those threats are real. But the what if’s, and the whats going to happen next is breaking me down. I try to talk to people but all they say is go to school or everything is gonna be okay. But what if its not going to be? I hate when I want support and no one can come up with a back up plan. This year alone I have taken care of everyone, my family is not in good health and they require help, I am now an adult and have taken on the role of being a wife and mother without having actual children or a husband. So many people have lost faith in me but they don’t know my story. But maybe I’m just another story. I just don’t want to see what happens next. I’m so anxious about what happens the next day that thinking about the next year just leads me to believe that I won’t be able to handle it. I dream of killing myself, just throwing myself into the ocean. Then people will remember me as I was, nothing can change for me. But I understand that suicide is selfish, but I just don’t want to know what happens next. How do I deal with this? The anxiety builds everyday and its my fault! I can’t talk to anyone about it without feeling guilty. I want to leave, I don’t want to be trapped by myself anymore.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
dont give up im a senior in high school too. i know things are rough sometimes. if you want to tlk about it let me. you message me at my yahoo just let me know and ill give you my email.
first of all i admire the fact that you’re able to do so many things at the same time : being a ‘ wife/mother’ and working at the same time. I can imagine that it’s a tough task! you’re afraid of what’s going to come?Listen, your diploma is 1 of the most important things in life, so you can have a stable life lateron. I understand that you’re being treated like a child in high school but I think that’s in a lot of high schools , in those periods, try to stay calm and keep your goal in mind: if you have your diploma, it’s a big accomplishment in life, you can study further or work and get a job you really enjoy. Without diploma employers can easily can fire you, and you’re not so independent as with diploma. So don’t be afraid of the future but embrace it, there are sooo many opportunities, if going to school will help you graduating, really try to do that, you’re doing it for you, for your future, and hold on, even if they’re treating you like a child, so that you can get your diploma…let that be your goal!