When he found out I was cutting, he tried not to help the urge. Then he used it as a threat. He then got scared if others found out. Now he’s back to yelling, pushing me to cut or commit. I wish I could. The worst I can so is cut. I can’t commit. I am able too. I do not fear Death. But milady said to not disappear. So, I will pursue some hope in this pit of Hell.
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I tried cutting but i couldn’t feel enough pain to match the pain in my body. So I would o.d. instead and every since 13 nobody noticed. Nobody!!! I tranquilized my pain, suffered. I have to match my pain but my first born saved my life and then my second born. hearing myself called mommie makes my day, but everytime i come out and show my face or even just get up in the morning and face the wrong person i would rather, well just say i feel hopeless because everything collides.
My brothers and sisters saved me once in a similar matter. I went to commit and my 1 year old brother woke up and found me. It’s gonna be rough. Sooner or later, you’ll find a hope that will come through.