Tag:

Death

I could let myself die, and no one would care or notice.

by UnknownUnheard 8/17/2021

written by UnknownUnheard 5 mins read

Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”

Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. […]

8/17/2021 3 comments

alone at the end

by Velveteen Human 1/30/2021

written by Velveteen Human

People say suicide is selfish and cowardly. They have no fucking clue.

If you’re dying from a terminal illness like, say, cancer, you are surrounded by family, friends, and medical staff. They support you, they don’t judge you for your suffering, and they will be holding your hand to the end.

You can tell people you’re going to die. You can say your goodbyes. You can put your affairs in order. People will even help you do it, so you can be at peace in the end.

close-up of a man's hand (wearing a wedding band) squeezing a woman's hand for comfort

1/30/2021 6 comments

Unloved by my own family

by SleepyAtty 9/11/2020

written by SleepyAtty

Warning: mentions of self harm and other sensitive content. I’ll try to be vague on certain words. sorry if it triggers you, this is to make you feel like you’re not alone.

My mother was forced down and forced into intercourse with my father, who she was with for 16 years at the time when she got pregnant with me. SHE HATED ME FOR IT! she attempted to get an abortion, then failed. My father even attempted to throw my mother out a window, and luck was on my side as they failed to do so.

Growing was equally as miserable for me. my father was abusive […]

9/11/2020 5 comments

Goner

by sadspock 7/24/2020

written by sadspock

I ain’t living long like this. No one or nothing could help me. It’s been a decade, nothing yet. There are holes in the floor of my mind, like those in a medieval dungeon floor — Making it difficult for me to crawl back up from the pit. I feel worse than numb. The medicines only fucked me up real bad. I can’t even begin to talk about them for I’ll have to pen an entire fucking essay on it. Bruh. Oh, the ECT made me lose my fucking memory. Sure, it did help me with my severe mania episodes, but it worsened my OCD […]

7/24/2020 2 comments

Okay

by sadspock 7/23/2020

written by sadspock

My tests say that I show extreme Alexithymia traits. Is that actually a thing? I don’t know. I don’t care about/for anyone. I just don’t give a fuck. I’m an awful person to even begin with. If you showed me a video of a child getting sawed, I’d stand stock-still. But if you showed me a video of an animal being abused, I’d flinch at a stroke. I don’t fucking understand myself. I hate humans. You could come to me crying, and I’d ask you to just fuck it and nothing more. I can’t help you with your emotional needs ‘cause I don’t relate. […]

7/23/2020 4 comments

Doomed

by sadspock 7/19/2020

written by sadspock

[rant alert]

I’m unlucky. I can’t even begin to say how unlucky I’m. Maybe I just fuck myself up, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m fucked. I’ve nothing. I would top the school back-to-back in the mid-tests and mid-exams, but then my body would randomly decide to put my life in danger during RE/TEE. I had acute health complications, both physical and mental. I survived Varicella in grade 10 and Enteric flu in grade 12. I had only 30% attendance. Although, I still managed to score 97% (with two 100/100) and 92% tho, I didn’t top the school. That sure was embarrassing — note: […]

7/19/2020 1 comment

OD

by sadspock 7/16/2020

written by sadspock

I OD’d on my psychotropic (/psychiatric) pills in 2019. ‘Twas a heavy overdose and my pills were strong and of very high dosages. I was naturally almost sure that I’d wind up dead. But guess what? I woke up in the morning. Not in a good state at all, but I awoke. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t utter a solitary word. Hell, I couldn’t even see things. I was cold. I’ve a long history of mental illnesses – BD (+ Psychosis — Schizoaffective disorder) and various PDs, so my folks figured out that I must’ve once again yanked some suicidal sh_t when I […]

7/16/2020 0 comment

Ingrained Within Me

by Pulse-Of-A-Clover 3/29/2020

written by Pulse-Of-A-Clover

My closest attempts were when I felt useless. When the sinking I had felt in my chest, when the lack of energy, and utter hopelessness within me had no reason to live.

More recently, I thought I was doing better. I thought that I had won over these feelings, conquered them; sending them back to the depths of wherever they came.

I guess that was probably because I had gotten a job that I love. One that I thought was too much to handle, one that brought countless nights of stress to me… but now, under this quarantine, I feel myself slipping back into old habits.

I expect […]

3/29/2020 0 comment

Euthanasia in Belgium and the Netherlands (and the debate surrounding it)

by Taf Taf 1/19/2019

written by Taf Taf

I must apologize in advance, because I’m going to put a lot of videos and articles in this post and it will probably occupy a lot of space on the starting page of this site (needless to say, feel free to write your opinions about euthanasia in the comment section).

https://theconversation.com/separating-fact-from-fiction-about-euthanasia-in-belgium-58203

Euthanasia in Belgium

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3748787/Euthanasia-tourists-rush-Belgium-free-lethal-injections-staggering-2-023-medically-killed-year.html

https://newsmavens.com/news/aha-moments/2088/belgium-fears-euthanasia-tourism

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/12/24/brussels-denies-eu-rules-encourage-euthanasia-tourism/

And a PDF about euthanasia in Belgium:

Euthanasia practice in Belgium

1/19/2019 10 comments

Cat Stevens – Trouble

by Taf Taf 1/12/2019

written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

Trouble, oh trouble set me free

I have seen your face and it’s too much, too much for me

Trouble, oh trouble can’t you see

You’re eating my heart away and there’s nothing much left of me

–

I’ve drunk your wine, you have made your world mine

So won’t you be fair, so won’t you be fair

I don’t want no more of you, so won’t you be kind to me

Just let me go where I’ll have to go there

–

Trouble, oh trouble move away

I have […]

1/12/2019 0 comment

Charles Baudelaire – The Desire for Annihilation (Le Goût du néant)

by Taf Taf 12/22/2018

written by Taf Taf

(poème de Baudelaire en Anglais et en Français)

The Desire for Annihilation (translated by William Aggeler)

Dejected soul, once anxious for the strife,

Hope, whose spur fanned your ardor into flame,

No longer wishes to mount you! Lie down shamelessly,

Old horse who stumbles over every rut.

Resign yourself, my heart; sleep your brutish sleep.

Conquered, foundered spirit! For you, old jade,

Love has no more relish, no more than war;

Farewell then, songs of the brass and sighs of the flute!

Pleasure, tempt no more a dark, sullen heart!

Adorable spring has lost […]

12/22/2018 2 comments

Gary Clark Jr. – When My Train Pulls In

by Taf Taf 12/21/2018

written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

Everyday nothing seems to change

Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things

and I, I can’t take it no more

I would leave this town, but I,

I ain’t got nowhere else to go

–

Wake up in the morning to more,

more bad news and I

sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,

It’s driving me out of my mind

Gonna catch the next train and I

move on down the line

–

I’ll be ready now

I’ll be […]

12/21/2018 0 comment

Mono – 2 Candles, 1 Wish

by Taf Taf 11/25/2018

written by Taf Taf

11/25/2018 1 comment

The Sound – I Can’t Escape Myself/Hour of Need

by Taf Taf 10/21/2018

written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just want to break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
–
All my problems
Loom larger than life
I can’t swallow
Another slice
Seems like my shadow
Mocks every stride
Can I learn to live with
What’s trapped inside?
–
I can’t escape myself
–
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just wanna break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape […]

10/21/2018 1 comment

The Beatles – Eleanor Rigby

by Taf Taf 10/12/2018

written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

Ah, look at all the lonely people…
Ah, look at all the lonely people…
–
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been,
Lives in a dream…
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door,
Who is it for…
–
All the lonely people,
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?
–
Father McKenzie writing the words
Of a sermon that no one will hear,
No one comes near…
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there’s nobody there,
What does he care…
–
All the lonely […]

10/12/2018 1 comment

The Standells – Paint It Black

by Taf Taf 10/5/2018

written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
–
I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
It’s like a new born baby, it just happens every day
–
I look inside myself and see my heart turned black
I see my red door I must paint it black
Maybe then […]

10/5/2018 1 comment

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

by Taf Taf 9/23/2018

written by Taf Taf

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

Oh Time, Time,

relentless tyrant!

Oh terrible mystery!

The past does not return,

it never comes back again,

ancient history!

Yes, ancient, but always the same,

terrifying!

Always present…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When consciousness is deprived

of the passage of time,

what is it that remains?

What happens to light if the mirror is broken?

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Fierce Saturn,

oh […]

9/23/2018 0 comment

Skalkottas’ music

by Taf Taf 9/15/2018

written by Taf Taf

” In music the passions enjoy themselves. ” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Nikos Skalkottas (1904-1949) was one of the greatest composers of the 2oth century classical music – I personally place him next to Kurt Weill and Igor Stravinsky. It’s a shame that nowadays most people (especially here in Greece) don’t know his work. Here’s the wikipedia page about him:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikos_Skalkottas

I should write what are the names of the compositions and the songs in this video and where the photos in it are taken.

36 Greek Dances

00:00 – 01:23 Epirotikos – photos from the region of Epirus in Greece.

01:24 – 03:22 Kleftikos – photos of various Greek mountains.

03:22 – 05:16 Tsamikos (An Eagle) – photos […]

9/15/2018 2 comments

Federico García Lorca – Suicide

by Taf Taf 9/9/2018

written by Taf Taf

(Maybe it was because you hadn’t

mastered Geometry)

–

The lad was going blank.

It was ten in the morning.

–

His heart was growing full

of broken wings and rag flowers.

–

He noticed there remained

just one word on his lips.

–

And when he took off his gloves

a soft ash fell from his hands.

–

A tower showed through the balcony door.

He felt he was balcony and tower.

–

No doubt he saw how the clock,

stopped in its […]

9/9/2018 1 comment

Constantine P. Cavafy – Ithaka

by Taf Taf 9/8/2018

written by Taf Taf

This poem is based on the ancient Greek epic poem Odyssey, which is attributed to the legendary author Homer. Quick summary of the Odyssey: there was a war between the ancient Greeks and the Trojans (Troy was – and still is – located at nowadays North-western Turkey), the Greeks laid siege on the city of Troy for 10 years and they destroyed it (there’s another ancient epic poem, Aeneid by the Roman author Virgil, that picks up the story after the destruction of Troy, but let’s stick to Homer’s Odyssey for now). After that, one of the Greek kings named Odysseus (in Latin: Ulysses) set out for Ithaka, his […]

9/8/2018 0 comment

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