Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”
Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. But that’s about it. They see me withdrawing, not speaking, not eating, and just overall, in distress. Also, I’ve been sick; throwing up and loose bowels for about two weeks now. I can’t keep anything down anymore and don’t even have the energy to help myself. Oh, and yeah…..my family knows.
So I’m just sitting here wondering, “when will it end….”
Y’know I might just die here. Alone in my bed. But I’ll be ok with that.
Maybe I’ll end up dying from dehydration or something. My energy levels and overall well-being is the worst it’s ever been. I’m already fainting from lack of nutrients, and have lost so much weight it’s completely noticeable. If I die, so be it. I literally can’t do this anymore, nor do I care.