Tomorrow

tomorrow is the day im hoping and dreading. i have another dr appointment, but it could be all or nothing. if im lucky he will find out what is wrong with my back and i will be cured both physically and mentally. if not then i have to tell my wife i cant adhere to my no self harm contract. seven years of back pain that causes immobility and prevemts me from being human is too much. i cant truly take care f myself and i am “smart” enough to know that i cant take care of any family i may have in the futue. please wish me luck tomorrow. i dont want to die but i just cant live this way. i love my job, friends, co workers, wife, and dog, but if i hate this body i inhabit. i envy some of the trouvled souls i read about here because you only have to worry about mental issues. when the body doesnt work properly the physical issues just compound anything mental that may be underlying. please wish me luck and i wish you all here the best. sorry about spelling and grammar; this new format doe not seem to work with my tablets autocorrect.