Trouble, oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face and it’s too much, too much for me
Trouble, oh trouble can’t you see
You’re eating my heart away and there’s nothing much left of me
I’ve drunk your wine, you have made your world mine
So won’t you be fair, so won’t you be fair
I don’t want no more of you, so won’t you be kind to me
Just let me go where I’ll have to go there
Trouble, oh trouble move away
I have seen your face and it’s too much for me today
Trouble, oh trouble can’t you see
You have made me a wreck, now won’t you leave me in my misery
I’ve seen your eyes and I can see death’s disguise
Hangin’ on me, hangin’ on me
I’m beat, I’m torn, shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see, too shocking to see
Trouble, oh trouble move from me
I have paid my dept, now won’t you leave me in my misery
Trouble, oh trouble please be kind
I don’t want no fight and I haven’t got a lot of time
Four o’clock in the afternoon and I didn’t feel like very much
I said to myself, ”Where are you golden boy? Where is your famous golden touch?”
I thought you knew where all of the elephants lie down
I thought you were the crown prince of all the wheels in Ivory town
Just take a look at your body now, there’s nothing much to save
And a bitter voice in the mirror cries, ”Hey, prince, you need a shave”
Now if you can manage to get your trembling fingers to behave
Why don’t you try unwrapping a stainless steel razor blade?
That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…
And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…
There’s no hot water and the cold is running thin
Well, what do you expect from the kind of places you’ve been living in?
Don’t drink from that cup, it’s all caked and and cracked along the rim
That’s not the electric light, my friend, that is your vision growing dim
Cover up your face with soap, there, now you’re Santa Claus
And you’ve got a gift for anyone who will give you his applause
I thought you were a racing man, but you couldn’t take the pace
That’s a funeral in the mirror and it’s stopping at your face
That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…
And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…
Once there was a path and a girl with chestnut hair
And you passed the summers picking all of the berries that grew there
There were times she was a woman, there were times she was just a child
And you held her in the shadows, where the raspberries grow wild
And you climbed the twilight mountains and you sang about the view
And everywhere that you wandered, love seemed to go along with you
That’s a hard one to remember, yes, it makes you clench your fist
And then the veins stand out like highways, all along your wrist
And yes, it’s come to this… It’s come to this…
And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…
You can still find a job, go out and talk to a friend
On the back of every magazine, there are those coupons you can send
Why don’t you join the Rosicrucians? They will give you back your hope…
You can find your love with diagrams on a plain brown envelope
But you’ve used up all your coupons, except the one that seems
To be written on your wrist, along with several thousand dreams
Now Santa Claus comes forward, that’s a razor in his mitt
And he puts on his dark glasses and he shows you where to hit
And then the cameras pan, the stand-in stuntman
Dress rehearsal rag… It’s just the dress rehearsal rag…
You know, this dress rehearsal rag… It’s just a dress rehearsal rag…
I’ve spend every fucking of my life wanting to die. I’m only 13 and I’ve dealt with a lot. So where should I start? How about when my father left my mother because she was pregnant, because he was married. My mother of coarse didn’t know, she isn’t a homewrecker. But he didn’t want me, and my mother didn’t even know about be until she was over 6 months pregnant. She didn’t show and still got her period, when she did show she went to the doctor and they told her she was pregnant. She didn’t want me either, but she kept me. The only time I’ve ever met my father was when I was three, I have the faintest memory of my little self running up to a man and yelling ‘Daddy!’ as he picked me up and set me on his lap. My mother has tried to contact him many times, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. My mother has never been married, or dated anyone after him. So I’ve never really had a father figure.
Now lets get into my childhood, how about we start with the fifth grade? That’s when I started to get bullied, we had a health teacher from high school come in and talk about eating disorders, health, you know all that bullshit. At that time in my life, I was around 45 pounds, I’ve always been small, VERY small. I’m only 4’9 in height and 56 pounds right now. I’m perfectly health I guess, besides the curve in my spine, and other things, but it doesn’t affect me in my daily life. I eat like a cow, but the teacher was talking about it and asked everyone who was from 60-80 pounds in the class to raise there hands, I didn’t and everyone else but the one overweight girl did. The teacher asked me how much I weighed and I said ’45 pounds miss.’ (I have always been a good child.) She looked at me and walked out, pulling me from my seat and in front of the class, incredibly loudly asked ‘Are you anorexic?!’ I said no, because I’m not. She took it upon herself to call my mother and tell her she thinks I’m anorexic and to watch me, from then on, everyone calls me anorexic and I lost all of my friends. My depression got really bad after that.
I was home schooled for sixth grade and that just worsened my depression, I’m an outgoing person, so not having human contact fucked me up. So for seventh grade I went back to school. (I’m in seventh grade right now) We have had a ton of money problems, my mother and I fight all the time because we are both stressed. She had to take the money I’ve saved up for two years to pay for rent and she has yet to pay me back. Now we are living at the beach and things are more stable, but I was told I have clinical depression and serve anxiety. Now I’m going to a therapist, I just started and I’m going for the second session on Wednesday, but I’m still dealing with being called anorexic. I was told by one of my three friends that they over heard some people say. ‘The definition of anorexic is “My name”‘ and everyone laughed. I am bullied still due to it, and I’ve told teachers, everyone and nobody gives a single shit. So at this point I want to kill myself. I already know how I would. I’d take some sleeping pills on New Year’s Eve. Then when the new year starts, I’m left behind in the old. I read it in a book and I mean I think it’s a pretty good way to go.
I think the only way that I might not kill myself is going to a mental hospital, to get away from all the BULLSHIT that is my life. For a long stay too, not just like a week, I mean for fifty days or something. My mother would never put me in a mental hospital even if my therapist wanted me to go to one. She thinks the medication and therapy will keep me from killing myself. I have cut before, never to deep and I’m a month clean, lets hope I can keep it that way. But I would love to go anywhere but where I am now. So yeah, that’s my story? I hope my mom will come to her senses and send me somewhere so I don’t kill myself. Bye.
I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with going to a mental hospital for help with suicide and depression, I’ve had these thoughts for a while and its about time I get help. thx
So, let’s start this off right, shall we? I suffer from psychosis. Meaning, I suffer from hallucinations on top of my major depressive disorder. These voices are evil creatures. James – The ring leader – wants me dead. Hailey wants others dead. Jimmy – The nice one – left years ago, I’m assuming hallucinations can off themselves too. I’m so sick of hearing from them. And yes, I’m on medication. And again, yes, I have been taking it. I’m so sick of this world. Nothing good comes of it. But god help me if I don’t want to live in this filth encrusted world we call home. The one true love of my life left, she brought light to my world but no more. I might give in some day soon. This is not a cry for help, but an outlet for my stress. No one listens to me. They all want me to be locked up in mental bins. F— that. I’m not going back.
It’s by one of my favourite internet writers, he always has a good way of knowing the underlying meaning in things:
For those who don’t want to read it, it’s about how today’s social dynamics abuse and imprison the arbitrarily selected bottom few. It’s mainly about the time of adolescents but I think it explains all stages of life. Because of the way the world works, it needs an amount of people in the bottom for it to function and it doesn’t care how much mental damage this causes those unfortunate enough to be caught in the “shit pit”. It’s one of those harsh reality articles so be aware.
Why am I posting it? Because I’ve been stuck there since adolescents and it has taken a toll on me. Since I didn’t have the proper outlets, it has effected many different parts of my life and has left me a useless shel or a person I am today.
I want to commit suicide because I don’t want to be subjected to this kind of treatment. I don’t want to have a horrible, unfulfilling life because my suffering is necessary for the success of others who would look down upon me.
To this day I can’t believe the social brutality which is allowed to continue.
Does anyone else feel this or know what I’m talking about?
thank you for reading
So I figure this question has been asked alot. But what would y’all do on ur last day on earth.?
I’ve thought about this alot, & what I come up with are things that im sure will remind me of how great the world can be. And then I will convince myself to not do it. Get in a slump some time in the future and want to cease to breath again. And once again play this whole freakin cycle over again. So I wonder if having a form of a bucket list is a good thing, or should one stay in the current state of mind and slip away to infinity. Or should I just get off my fucking ass and do the things I know make me happy. I wish it was that easy right, maybe if mental illness wasnt such a big part of my life then thats what I could do. But alas mental illness and addiction have ruled and ruined me.
Mmmm…this was supposed to be an open question. So what would u do on ur last day on earth?.
Paddle out at sunrise and surf my favourite break. Alone.
Eat a massive feed at a seafood restaurant.
Drive a really fast expensive car. Super fast.
Watch the sunset.
Hug my mum. Nephews and nieces.
Kiss my wife.
Play my guitar.
I just had a really weird mental image/clip. You know how in some cartoons or anime, a character’s morality is represented by an angel and devil… Well, my devil just shot the angel in the head at pointblank range then they disappeared.
They later reappeared and the angel committed seppuku (ritual cutting open the stomach) with the devil as the second (person who beheads the person whom committed seppuku.)
Is my subconscious trying to tell me something or am I just losing what is left of my mind? Rocketman, don’t you dare make a joke about how it’s not possible for me to lose my mind… If you do, I might just turn you into a literal rocket man by strapping you to one.
I just got the message, from my ex, she want’s to go out for a drink with me tomorrow night!! I still love her, so that’s great right ? so why em I posting this crap here?
Well it is not great, this is not fucking great at all. And here is why :
we have been together for almost 5 years, and she have break up with me 2 months ago, 3 weeks ago she had told me she have meet someone and that they are dating for few days now. But 2 weeks ago I have found out she had been cheating with this guy for months when we were still together and all the lies she had told me in all this past months, and even now in this two months that we are not together anymore she told me so many lies, I have just lost count.
so I really need your opinion please!
Should I confront her tomorrow, tell her that I know all the lies and cheating she had done to me?
I’m thinking yes – my time is running out ! Because, I have exams in 25 days, and I need to pass them to finish school finally and try to get a decent job for once. I have had just enough energy to hold on this two months that I was studying everyday for this final exams, but I have completely stop 2 weeks ago, when I found out about this. After 13 years of this exact same ending in previous relationships my heart is not broken but dead this time, so at least I don’t have to worry about that, but it’s tearing my soul in pieces, Its making me sick and can’t sleep or eat, having panic attacks, paranoia is appearing more often and depression bad as never before, and I attempted suicide once before. And how the fuck can I possible study now? I was barley holding on before, all the good memories and beautiful moments we had, and hard times we conquered them together, are now gone for ever, drowned in lies, and it’s taking me down with it.
I need to hear her say the truth to me. My soul is dying and I’m wishing I can find some peace or strength in it, at least for this month, so I can get myself together and try to salvage this lost time and get back to study, with this last energy in me, don’t even want to think if it’s not already too late now for me.
by not telling her, my life is at hold, can’t stop thinking about it, it has taken me over, and it’s ripping what has left of me apart.
I’m thinking no – i’m spinning in a circle ! Here is what is scaring me even more, and i’m afraid! this girl, she is mentally ill too. She was cutting herself for over 10 years, attempt suicide twice, been in psychiatric hospital 6 times already. what is even worse is she should be taking 3 types of pills, but for the past 6 months she only taken 1 type of those pills, and this might be the cause of mood swings and her decisions in this last months, but maybe not I don’t know. And what is even worse when I think about it more is, she can be manipulated by others quite fast, and not to my surprise, the guy she is dating, is her “friend”, she knows him for like 1 year now (and this guy, he was like take a pic of your dog, can I see your new hair color? here I bought you gift etc…for this entire year that she knows him).
I don’t know. Is the mental grip holding her this badly now? are the pills? is she being manipulated? is the combination? is it something else? or she just wanted to get away from me?
I’m afraid, if I confront her, and tell her that I know about all the lies she is telling and cheating she had done, she might start to hate herself again, she will also see how broken I have become by her actions, she might fall even deeper in depressions and her dark mind, which would probably mean that she would start cutting again (she had stop 3 years ago, I don’t know if the new boyfriend even knows about her mental state and problems she had and has, and will not even be able to give her support she needs), it might again get so bad she would try suicide or go to hospital for at least 1 month or more, and fail at school, and can’t work when your in hospital which would leave her without money, which would destroy her life, and mine with it, for pushing her down this path.
But knowing her I feel, I can’t take a risk, it will end badly, it will destroy her life or cripple it beyond repair, and then mine goes with it.
I’m spinning in a circle between this impossible decisions, of which, future and life, of someone else, that I care and love, and me, might get destroyed. And I’m running out of time, been thinking for the past 2 weeks, sometimes I decide I will take one way and will not change my mind about it anymore, hours later I’m convinced I will do the other way around because it’s for the best, tomorrow she will see me, and exams are at end of this month.
– I want to “man up!” slap myself, get it together, let it slip away and don’t you dare mention this to her tomorrow or ever! but this energy is sipping out of me, and it’s ripping me apart emotionaly and mental state is getting worse by day. But I want to smile, I need to, for her, when she ask me tomorrow how are you? I need to forget about it and my exams with it.
-Or maybe I’m over thinking this? Might be she just will not care that I know, and will not feel bad for her actions, or that my situations has gotten so bad. I wish this would be true, then I would need not to worry about her state, I still love her and care for her very much, probably too much for my own good. But I just might take this broken pieces that are left for me and somehow try my best to survive this month, If I confront her, and she tells me get over it, she doesn’t care about me anymore.
is there any other way? I’m I blind, possible stupid?
What would you do? If you were her, what would you want me to do?
We, as a country, have compassion for those who wish to end their lives due to ongoing physical pain or a terminal illness. Many support euthanasia in these circumstances. Why not with terminal mental health issues? Ongoing psychological pain?
Sometimes I think I’ve legitimately gone mental. My mind constantly feels like it’s spinning like that gravity ride thing at the fair (some of you know what I’m talking about lol) but it gets to this point where I lose sense of my own being, and I feel so weird and abnormal, and sometimes like a different creature or a different kind of being. I can’t explain it, but my mind is a roller coaster and I think that one of these days I’m going to completely snap on myself.
This is a scenario I have played out a few times in my mind. I sometimes wish I had an observer so I could show them all the mental suffering I go through on a daily basis. Everything from how interactions with people is basically me being an anxious, dumb minded wreck to seeing how little enjoyment I get from the things I should be enjoying.
Ideally the observer should be placed in my head and feel the same things (ooo maybe a cool sci fi story can be made about this). They eventually will soon realize that something must be done and this state cannot be allowed to continue. They will also conclude that no, realistically, nothing can be done and suicide would be a good option.
People giving advice about mental issues from the exterior can be a shot in the dark
I failed, I had one job to houner my parents.
I was harassed and molested growing up, Its a good thing Im bi so the scar isn’t as bad as it could be.
Mental health buracacy and CPS left me for dead, I think it was because of my family’s income bracket and long military background.
I could use a hug.
Lovely, I just had the biggest panic attack I’ve had in months while at work. I’m alone so I have to work through it. Now I just keep riding the ‘after shocks’ for as long as they take to settle. Fuck this bullshit mental illness. I’m at war with my own mind.
My head is screaming. My body is screaming. The voices and intrusive images are taking over. A crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I feel closer to the monsters in my head than the people who surround me. I can’t breathe and I can only think of ways to bring about physical pain to make the mental insanity end. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of pretending that I can survive this war that I never had a choice in. I did not choose to be born, nor did I choose to participate in this insanity that circulates in my head. I want so badly to be brave enough to finish my exit rather than striving to remain for the few who care.
I have a question for everyone on here. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety shit for about a year now. Whenever I have a good day (though those are extremely rare), I find myself missing the mental state I am comfortable in–the state where thoughts of suicide and self harm control me. Does that happen to anyone else? Does anyone else purposefully trigger themselves to be in a depressive state when they are in a “normal,” good, happy mood? Or is that just me? I don’t know why I do it…but I do. Sometimes I am mad at myself for doing. Other times, though, I am mad at myself for not doing it. This is all just very confusing to me. I honestly don’t know why I’m even writing this. I guess I just want to know if anyone else purposefully gets themselves into moods where they are down and think about self harm and suicide.
so the last few days iv drew a character which has mental illness each animal represents a different mental illness or disorder thanks for helping me guys youve been keeping me busy I haven’t been as low in a few day thanks for the support Suicide Club -drowning
ps thanks to everyone who helped me pick animals and names 🙂
so iv been drawing the last couple of days to try take my mind off things but it won’t be long before the drawing ends I can feel myself getting frustrated by it so my patience is wearing thin
iv been drawing characters that represent different mental illnesses some which I have
I need a name for the snake and what the snake will be as a mental illness