No Hope

Loneliness is horrible, I hate feeling it myself so I completely empathize with you. Is there really no one you can talk to? No friends, family or significant other? If not I’m sorry, but I encourage you to continue talking with people on here, perhaps that will ease some of your pain.

Listen to the part of yourself that wants to live. You’re 37. Presuming you’re in reasonably good health you have at least another 35 years to live, and a lot can happen in that time. True, a lot of bad things could happen but something great could happen too. But for now, just try to ignore the suicidal thoughts. What do you enjoy? Latch on to that and think about how it gives you enjoyment. Even if it’s something as trivial as a favorite ice cream flavor, or the smell of freshly dried laundry, or the sound the wind through the trees, if it alleviates your suffering for a little bit then stop and appreciate it. When I get depressed, I find that the little things are the easiest to think about because they are simple and there’s almost no chance of being disappointed by it. I know it sounds silly, but whatever works.

Suicide is not the only way to end your pain. (Here comes the old hackneyed phrase) There is hope, albeit small. If you are truly alone, why not try talking to people who share your hobbies or joining groups related to what you like to do. You could even look for a suicide/depression support group and attend some meetings; the people there are likely to understand your pain and offer suggestions of how to deal with it. And they are highly unlikely to judge you. But if the idea of talking to people face to face sounds too daunting, there’s always the people here, like I said above. Some person will talk to you, will listen to you, will try to help you even a little. Later.