I sit in my room every night weighing up the pro’s and con’s of ending my life? And most days the pro’s out weigh the con’s, but then I remember what I’d been told.
“suicide is a selfish act”.
Is that so? I can’t get my head around which is more selfish. Taking your own life, or being made to live it?
Yes before it crosses your mind I do cut myself, but I do it in random places not in lines so all it looks like is a few normal scars. I probably do it so keep some sort of sense of control so people don’t know what I am and what thoughts go through my mind. After all who would want to be friends with a person with daily suicidal thoughts.
My life in a nutshell is a battlefield of
Mistakes, Mistakes that prey on my mind everyday, thinks that I could of done differently should of been done differently and now I feel as though I have no one, cause no one understands, no one understand how alone I feel in this world, and I hope to whatever life form (if any) Watching over us gives me a second life. A life where I am me, the real me that I used to be cause all I feel I am right now is a empty vessel walking the earth with no purpose. My life is a joke, a mockery of an existence!
Don’t confuse this as a suicide note though, it’s more of a suicide veto, until the day that everything changes…
4 comments
First of all, let’s get one thing straight: suicide, however painful it might be to the people that knew the person who ended their own life, isn’t a selfish act. Even though many people see it that way, when someone wants to die, they don’t do it to get attention, they do it because they’re in such a high level of pain, they can’t stand it anymore. At least that’s true for the ones who don’t use, “I wanna die,” as a daily childish candy and don’t really mean it. And really, when your life has reached such a painful point, isn’t it selfish to make someone keep suffering, just because you’re not ready to let them go?
But, life is life. Life can suck to extreme levels, life can make you wish you were dead (literally), life can bring you down so much, you can’t feel anything anymore. Personally, I’d prefer being numb to being in such pain like I am everyday but numbness has its own cons too, I suppose. It’s understandable that you feel like no one gets you, that you’re alone. I feel it too and it’s true, at least to my immidiate circle, but I want you to know that whatever you’re feeling, I have felt it, I am feeling it, and I can understand. Even if, impossibly, I am the only person in this world, probably miles away from where you are, at least there is one human, someone, who’s going through this awful situation as well.
I can’t promise you things will get better. But I can’t promise you things won’t get better either. There is the possibility that something so great will sooner or later happen to you, that you’ll forget this site and you’ll live a better, happier life. I wish that for you. I really do. I hope your life turns out that way that the only pain you’ll feel will be from extreme happiness and contentedness.
I’m not going to tell you to keep strong, because I know you have so far. You are here. You can do it. You have more strength than a lot of people and you should take pride in it.
Of course it’s “selfish.”
BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!
People will use “that’s so selfish, you’re so childish, how could you do this to me?”
Look at that last word again; “me.”
When someone calls you “selfish” for considering suicide (or posthumously, after completing it), it’s really THEM who are being selfish, since, as evidenced by that last word, “me,” they are really more concerned with how THEY would feel, having to grieve your departure.
So, what i’m getting at is this: “is it selfish?” is a completely irrelevant question, and the statement form of that same sentiment (“that’s selfish!”) is merely a “guilt trip,” and a “ploy” to attempt to use emotional manipulation to control your behavior… because your contemplation of suicide makes them feel powerless over you! It makes them feel terrible to think that you are actually your own being, your own sovereign, sentient entity, over which they can hold no claim of ownership, and thus, no right to demand you continue to suffer arbitrarily, merely for the sake of their convenience, and at the cost of yours (not to mention, the included inalienable suffering experienced by “our kind”).
You need to understand, not “whether it’s selfish,” but rather, “whether selfish is relevant.” It isn’t. Not in this case.
You gotta put #1 first, ALWAYS. If you let #1 fall, #2 and everything after it will fall as well. If you don’t keep yourself healthy, both in mind and body, through a calculated and concerted effort to achieve and maintain such a thing… you will not be capable of meeting and sustaining the often arbitrary requirements placed upon you by others, and likely not even those inherent in sustaining just yourself.
You should learn to be MORE selfish (though don’t take that to mean “be a sociopath,” because that’s also bad).
People take themselves away from someone else forever, all the time! Why is it only “selfish” in the case of suicide? Maybe that’s the root of the problem: most people are not merely selfish, but are, in fact, so selfish… that they go around imposing THEIR WILL upon others, without ever even considering the other person’s needs, or that the other person even IS a person… but that the person is more like just another tool, just another resource to be exploited, just another means to an end. People who embody such notions, should not be calling anyone “selfish”… but the humor comes from the irony of the fact that most of those types do not even realize they are doing anything wrong; because they’ve never bothered to consider others, which is the epitome of “selfish.”
Don’t worry about “selfish.” Worry about what YOU need/want, for YOU… and then go about getting it, but without forgetting that your actions will always impact others, to some degree… and that you wouldn’t want anyone doing anything fucked up to you, so it would be wise to refrain from doing anything fucked up to anyone else, unless they leave you no other option.
Don’t hurt people who don’t deserve it, unless you can’t avoid it. And if you can’t avoid it, try to help any you’ve harmed, to recover.
Suicide is selfish because it is self cantered – depression is self centred, it is a selfish illness; most painful illnesses are. The question however is not whether it is selfish or not but whether such terms are appropriate.
The person suffering from genuine clinical depression exists in an altered mind set, language, meaning and thrust take on different significance. Depression, I suppose, is ultimately about fear, there will be those who argue otherwise, and death about refuge. Suicide becomes the fatal consequence/form of a thinking illness.
nothing wrong with putting your own needs before another’s arbitrary convenience.
People say “it’s selfish” because they’re trying to guilt trip you; not because they think there’s something wrong with you prioritizing your own needs.
I would argue that there really is no such thing as an “altered mind set,” because from moment to moment, we can be argued to be “always different,” always changing, never the same. We are always experiencing more and more stimuli, learning more new things, or more about old things… every single anything we experience, “alters” our “minds.”
Depression is not about fear, and is not a thinking illness. I would have to call that “false depression” or “invalid depression,” because if it’s NOT about immutable factors beyond your control… then it’s something you CAN and SHOULD change, ASAP!
So, what’s left after we change everything we can change?
Problems which exist beyond our control. Problems which exist beyond our control, ARE NOT MERELY PRODUCTS OF A WRONG-THINKING MIND. Problems which exist beyond our control, ARE REAL. We are not just imagining that so many things have gone and been so wrong, for so long, and without us being able to change it.
However, some people are indeed “imagining” (incorrectly) that they cannot change something that they actually could change… and it’s those people who can benefit from education, specifically, “how things work, and why things are as they are.” Some of you might be surprised just how far a thorough, if somewhat superficial understanding or grasp of the ways of the world, can take you.
I don’t think depression is about fear. Fear is an easy problem: confront, persist, conquer. Courage is not lack of fear, but the determination to do what must be done, despite fear. Lack of fear is merely ignorance, or the inability to efficaciously identify potential threats.
Furthermore, i would argue that “the universe itself is self-centered!”
We are each the center of our own subjective experience of “universe.”
I am my center point; you are yours.
For anyone to accuse me of being “selfish,” would actually betray their own selfishness, in apparently expecting me to prioritize their desires over my own… as if that’s not exponentially more selfish than a heavy decision to cease existing, due to the lack of any other available and better option. In fact, i want to make a mental note: next time someone calls me selfish, i need to remember to redirect their own accusation toward them, and point out how selfish it is, to go around trying to guilt trip people into compliance with your whims. Then again, i might just smile and thank them for noticing (because who doesn’t like someone who loves themselves enough to take care of themselves and not tolerate bullshit from the dumbs?).