Dear precious Angel, I love you more than anything! You were never bad I promise, but mommy has to leave this place. I can not be her anymore, but will wait at heavens gates for you. I will not go in till I find you there. I am sorry I know your sad. I just can’t stay in far too sad. My heart is heavy and my eyes always cry. I’m sorry I couldn’t do better. You will have daddy and grandma and grandpa your imma and Randy paw too. But mommy isn’t able to stay , but in heaven is where I’ll wait for you.
Husband: I held my wife got the last time today two days after this was wrote. I was going through e mails and found this saved. I wish I could have saved her or traded places with her. She was so sick and dying fast when she wrote this. She had checked out of icu because they wouldn’t let her little girl come say goodbye. She came home as such as she was as long as she could. She was the most amazing woman I gave ever met and will always be my heart.
31 comments
wow, when you made the decision to have a child you obligated yourself to look after them and live to take care of them in every resepct. it’s disgustingly selfish to even genuinely consider suicide, in fact, it makes you a lowlife piece of shit. you don’t care about their feelings or how your death will devastate them, you’re a disgusting person.
I hope that everyone who judged so quickly had read my posts. I hope maybe it help to show how mortal you are. Everyone with the urge to die… you are seeking release and relief from the pain and the emotion of despair. You want things to get better not end. I understand. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that you have to choose not to die at all costs. That other people will change your heart if you let them for good or bad. Sometimes after you have made the choice to fight you can finally look back and see your perception on the situation was so warped by self hate that even the good was a dangerous weapon of self destruction.
So sad..
Please don’t..
Mother is the only comfort a child has in a cruel world.. You can’t be replaced
I’m sorry to hear about this decision. It’s always bad for me to see that life was able to destroy one more of our people. The strong people that fight against everyday despair and sadness. I dont know your story, but I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I hope there is a place where everyone will be happy. And if heaven is the place you choose to go, so be it. You will be reunited with your angel, I’m sure. But, if I can tell you to hold a little longer… please do. I know it’s easy to say that, but things may get better. I dont believe that myself, but sometimes we just need someone to say that so we may try to believe.
And to 5 seconds of stendarr, people come here to vent their frustrations. I believe its a place to not judge, but to confort. I dont even know you, but I dont think she needs someone else telling this kind of things to her. If there is someone to blame, lets blame life, society, circunstances… never the person.
It’s actually not incredibly wise to challenge some one like Stendarr on judging others here.. This forum allows everyone to express their opinions no matter what so everyone gets judged eventually. Best to leave it alone.
…just saying
She is in control of her own actions regardless of circumstantial forces, how they influence her actions are variables, but no one is in control of her body but her, and if she intends to kill herself that is HER decision thus SHE must be blamed
why would you try to comfort someone that intends to ruin their child’s life? she doesn’t need positive reinforcement to abet her into making permanent decisions that will affect her children for the rest of their lives, she should be told the truth of the matter and shown that her decision is utterly wrong and despicable in every regard
i hate when people try to blame outside forces for their own actions, no one is controlling you or making you do anything, it’s all on you, sorry
I’m with Fives on this one. I will never have children because I won’t be able to take care of them. And because this depression crap is genetic.
It’s not the people with the kids who are judging here I notice. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth when anyone calls ANYONE a disgusting piece of shit here, sorry. Just sayin’.
anyone who would ruin another person’s life let alone their own children is a piece of shit, sorry
If you judge people with this amount of knowledge of the person´s life or circumstances and call them a piece of shit, then you are acting like a complete ignorant child. You have no idea if the mom has a terminal illness or some other form of painful condition, which could be unbearable. Who the fuck are you to call someone disgusting and selfish.
What if a woman were to have a baby by incest or a rape. Is she obligated to live on this blue planet of hell after that much suffering and pain, and hence having a child which obviously wasn’t very expected. Things and circumstances can vary in so many ways you seem not to have even a slightest of comprehension but to judge and make things worse.
I certainly hope you’d develop some empathy and understanding, and if you can’t, then at least have some discretion in these types of situations. God damn….
Sorry, but this pisses me off…judging without knowing the whole story.
just the simple facts she has provide give enough of a basis for me to have an opinion on, the facts are simple: she has a child. She is a mother. Those two characteristics in themselves are enough to say that it is selfish and disgusting to kill herself regardless of circumstances, sorry. And yes, if you choose to have a child (woah, there are things called abortions??) then yes, you are obligated to take care of them. I dont have to know the whole story, the facts are simple.
I empathize to a point what her situation is and how she’s feeling, but regardless of her emotions it is despicable to ruin your child’s life.
is it that hard to comprehend? are you that naive? it is disgusting to kill yourself when people DEPEND on you, it’s selfish and heartless, end of story
So you assume, and don’t need to give a damn about the whole story. So embarrassing…I never said it was ok to commit a suicide and leave a child behind. I was merely commenting to your articulation and how horrifying it is. If you need to bash people go to some other forums and vent it there, no-one needs to hear your pathetic comments – especially when people are in distress.
Most suicides effect on other people and many are dependent on the very people committing the suicide, of course they are in a sense heartless but why is it that you call the one who is in a desperate situation a lowlife piece of shit. There it goes wrong. Can you understand that, perhaps not, you have no compassion towards the suffering ones, only the ones whom are left behind? Is this a something you’ve experienced in the past, if you have I’m sorry. You obviously seem to have some degree of emotional hatred towards specific situations and apparently lack objectivity completely.
You are right that it isn’t right to commit a suicide when one has children, but please understand that the circumstances can vary. If a person has had suicidal thoughts his/her whole life and has had a terrible childhood and is trying to recover. Then finds the one and gets married, has children, but slowly it all starts to consume a person. The past weighs and a depression sets in, perhaps some major physical illnesses – even terminal – are involved and then even some money problems – drastic fights with a husband too. Until it all falls down.
Still, even though it’s not right thing to leave a child behind, you have no right to judge anyone. You can have your opinion of course which this is all about, but have some sense of discretion and consideration before opening that chest of somewhat hurtful vocabulary of yours.
Dear Mum . . . I also struggle . . . As I have a son. But a am desperately hoping that just being able to write this and put it into black & white can provide some re fief and time . . . And reach out to a friend, doctor or a help line . . . I hope one day to be able to tell my son (once he is long an adult) . . . That on several times he saved the life of me, who gave him life. Keep reaching out . . .
Dear Mum . . . I also struggle . . . As I have a son. But a am desperately hoping that just being able to write this and put it into black & white can provide some re fief and time . . . And reach out to a friend, doctor or a help line . . . I hope one day to be able to tell my son (once he is long an adult) . . . That on several times he saved the life of me, who gave him life. Keep reaching out . . .
This post leaves a bit of vital information out, but since this is posted on a Suicide website, I can say its safe to assume mum here is contemplating taking her own life.
I could only wish you gave more time and thought into your decision. I am all for autonomy and freedom to do as you wish with your own personhood, but I believe when one produces offspring, they forfeit many rights into the child and have a responsibility to maintain its welfare regardless of the parents circumstances.
You may be in pain and misery now, but imagine the pain your child must endure through its entire life? Imagine the guilt, sadness, pain, anger and resentment this child will struggle with. There is no easy solution for them like you were granted, unless they too fall into the cycle of self destruction and suicide? But if you truly love your child could you bear the thought of them killing themselves or let alone contemplate such an action?
I can only wish you make the best choices that are parallel to the interest and happiness of the child, and not distorted by your pain. But I can guarantee if you take your life now, your child could care less if your up in heaven waiting for them. They will forever question why you have forsaken them.
If this is truly how you feel, you should’ve done it before procreating. Wow, it’s 2014. Anybody heard of birth control/abortion?
Pdog, and you obviously can see to the future and tell when it’s a good time to give a child a chance to born into this world.
Abortion and birth control in extreme situatiuons aren’t possible, you must be aware of that, not saying that this is the case of that sort but still….
And I’m not defending the OP’s desicion regarding her child, but just wish that people would have some deep thoughtfull actions before commenting in so condemning way.
And I sincerely hope that the you Mommy.is.leaving would stay with us, just try to hang on. Your child will bring the spark of happiness in your life if nothing else will. Would you be able to tell us a bit more about your history and why you’ve come to this point? All the best and hope you get out of your despair. We will be here if you need someone to talk to. Take care, be strong..
wy are you leaving out if you are sick or not?
your child wont be thinking the same like you do when you go
oooo the others can look after her? wake up, did you have a mother?
wat would you think if your mother killed herself?
Pretend you are your daughter,ok?
I am usually totally in favour of suicide, but a mother should not do this to her child. There are people here who have experienced their parents’ suicide and feel suicidal themselves, even years after it happened.
You have chosen to have a child and should put her/his happiness before yours and make sacrifices. Hang in there for that child.
I wanted to write something else here, but my tolerance is very low now, and I dont want to start swearing against the judgemental people here. Let me just say something… or you think suicide is selfish or its not. There are no variables. Or are you gonna say it depends on the circunstances to be called selfish or not?
And for the ones that said “abortion” like it’s an easy thing to do, there are countries (mine, for example), where its still against the law. Second, doing an abortion is not an easy thing, there is the problem with society, that will think you are satan himself for doing it, and the woman will have to live with guilt for the rest of their lives. People think it’s just go to a clinic and say you dont want the baby, but forget the bureaucracy behind the process in countries where its legal.
We’re all in the same boat, we know what she is feeling! I’m not saying you have to support her decision, but It’s that hard to give a hand instead of throwing stones?
Good points there Kommissar..
Please talk to someone around you, ask for help. Have you got a doctor?
Stendarr, I am so sick of reading your never ending heartless BS posts. You seem like the reason the oxymoron Compassionate Conservatism was invented. This isn’t a place to be intelectually stimulated by people’s posts. It’s the last stop for some people but anytime someone shows emotion or talks about their pain it seems to aggravate you. You don’t seem the least bit suicidal to me. What are you even doing here? I wish the OP would have shoved your compassion-less crap back in your face because that’s the only thing people like you understand but you see that this poster doesn’t have it in her to do that so it leaves an opening for you. You’re a compassionless bully.
stendarr, it’s people like you that make people kill themselves. You want someone to blame, blame yourself. YOU SUCK!
and i would say its people like you who have no self control that are too blame. when has it ever ever been socially acceptable to tell people to kill themselves. i mean for god sakes man this is a suicide forum, so what is the first thing you decide to do? wish for someone to commit suicide.
Like pause for a minute and think this threw. who is the problem again?
To all of you wondering she was the perfect mother and wife. She undeniably did everything she could. Suicide sometimes is nut what you think of when you hear the word. My little girl knew mommy had to go. We all had family movie night, went swimming, made her prom dress which is amazing, and write a family book the night she died. She got to say her goodbyes and my daughter go closure. If she had not done this she would have never been able to say goodbye. She walked out of icu so sick I would have never made it out the doors. She did all those things on her death bed. Just so her Angel could have a happy ending. She took a over dose and got in bed. She kissed out Angel good night add I held her close. She whispered sweet things to the little one till she fell asleep. Soon after she went to sleep and never woke up. She was amazing till the end. I love you MY ANGEL. I will meet you in heaven to wait with you. Your loving husband , you are forever my heart.
I’m glad your wife was able to say her goodbyes, and find peace from her illness. She died knowing she was loved, and those around her knew she loved them as well. You couldn’t ask for a better end to life, although it sounds like it was too soon for her, and her unfortunate illness robbed her of the rest of her life. I hope you and your daughter live long lives with happy remembrances of her.