I am depressed, but I keep the thoughts to myself. Suppressing my sadness with a fake smile and loud laugh. I did what I was told to do everyday but yet,I always wake up from my sleep feeling empty .
I have no reason to live but I don’t want my mom to be upset and devastated, walking to my room seeing her lifeless child on the bed with a gun and bed sheets dripping with blood.
But I also cannot bear the feeling of being completely alone and empty, so I made a deal to myself.
In 2016, I will put an end to my depression, if my life have not changed. I have a specific date but I don’t want to tell anyone about it
My deadline. Now I have 2 years to search for a reason to live and if I don’t, I’m sure future me can find a way to kill herself.
To get things clear, I have reasons why I’m depressed.
I was left , cheated on, bullied and cast aside. I have no father, no friends to make me feel calm and no lover to make me feel loved. I was told that I’m a monster by the very person that I love so much. Maybe he’s right. I am a monster that needs to be put down .
I just have to get through 2 more years before all of this is finally ended.