Hello again, fellow travelers. It’s been several months since we’ve posted on here. It was under Scars’ username and she doesn’t want me using it. I’ll leave some of my story here.
My name is Evin. I’m 17 years old, an atheist, and a monster. I’m one of three alters of our host who I’ll call Scars. She was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) when she was 16. I showed up soon after that. We have never been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder out of choice and probably never will because anything major we do is voted on. All of us have been coexisting for less than 1 year as that’s when the most recent showed up. I’m a balancer and lately I’ve been doing a terrible job.
Scars is…well, Scars. I have a hard time explaining her. She’s the root of all of us. I consider her my sister/brother. From what we collectively know, she went through a lot of psychological sadism as a kid along with physical sadism. Other than a few rare outsiders, we’re the only people she’s ever trusted and even then, none of them know about all of us. Technically, we don’t fit the diagnosis for DID because only two of us front with any regularity.
I’m frightened and I’m not exactly sure how to express why. Anxious and on edge is more accurate. Everyone has been very quiet for awhile now. Very, very quiet. There’s this sense that we’ve all just given up. Scars has been talking to me for a long time, years and years, that she’d just like to die and slowly more of us agree. I’ve been considering just disappearing but she made me for a reason and I can’t just turn my back.
Really there’s only one of us left that’s opposed to the idea of taking the rope Scars bought when no one else was looking and jumping off of the bridge. She’s gotten pretty good at tying nooses and secure knots so I don’t see any reason it wouldn’t work.
There’s just no point. We’ve dug so far down that there is no sky over our heads anymore. Just towers of dirt and shadows.
Anyway, that’s where we are. I like talking to people. I never get to do it offline and I love hearing people’s stories. Feel free to send me your’s or just say hello at scarswithmarshmellows AT yahoo DOT com. I don’t know how often I’ll get to check it but I’ll do the best I can.
7 comments
Well, this is…very…strange, but believable, as there *are* cases of it…And I’ve seen it as well, so hmm. I wish I could help.
Strange barely begins to sum up what this is. lol
Heh, sounds like it.
By the way, you can talk/email me at forbiddenlovers23 @ yahoo.com (No spaces as we all know)
Nice to meet you. I am unfamiliar with DID but we all have our challenges to deal with. That sounds like an awful experience that Scars went through. Are all of you atheists or just you, Evin? What makes you so sure there’s no God? I’d love to chat carin@uoguelph.ca. Even if you don’t get around to chatting, I hope you know you are valued and loved; I believe God made you and loves you, and therefore so do I. 🙂
Actually, it’s scarswithmarshmellows AT hotmail DOT com. Ha, typo.
Ah, I didn’t notice your comment, Mango. We must have posted at the same time.
Three of us are atheists, the other is Astaru. She really likes history so it’s more out of curiosity’s sake than actual practice.
What makes you so sure that there is one? I realize you may have heard this a lot but I need proof. There’s no logical reason for me to put forth the effort required for religion without it.
Thank you for the email. You are also valued and loved. 🙂 Our beliefs may be different and I may not need a god but I love you all the same.