I’ve always struggled with depression, and thoughts of suicide. Not sure why, just can’t seem to shake this ball of acid in my chest -. Anger/misery/disappointment. The focus sometimes dwindles but never entirely cuts off. and every time it comes back it gets more intense. Just under a month ago my best friend killed himself. We used to talk a lot about these feelings (we both shared). He obviously had enough of it all though. I just feel so fucking alone. I’ve wept every day since I found out. On top of this I’m experiencing severe body pains, my legs seem to be gradually failing and I can’t seem to get diagnosed with anything. I’m struggling. The last thing I want to do is transfer this pain and grief on to other people but I’m just so fucking weak and tired and empty. I’ll wait, but what a joke.. Why am I even typing this?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I’m so sorry for your loss. If you ever need an ear to listen to you just shoot me an email. Don’t have any experience with losing a friend to suicide, but that can’t be an easy loss to cope with. I do suffer from PTSD and depression, and have had a recent loss in the family, so let me know if you want to talk.
It’s possible you could be experiencing sciatica, if you’ve had back pain, you could get a slipped disk in your spine which compresses your sciatic nerve. However usually it’s one side of the body. I’m not a doctor but just know something about medicine. Find a doc that can figure it out for you.
Sorry for the loss you experienced. Perhaps you should see a therapist to deal with the grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your story sounds similar to my own. My best friend’s grandpa is about to die. I want to kill myself next week. I’ve tied up all the lose ends. He’s a beautiful person. I’m afraid losing me AND his pop will be too much. I’m trying to see how I can continue for him. I’m not sure I can. He says if I kill myself the only happiness he’ll ever find will be a troubled happiness. Is there another kind? I can say this about your friend, he loved you too. I doubt you will ever fully forget or fully heal, but maybe happiness is still a destination for you. He would want you to love and laugh. He just couldn’t anymore. I know we have never met and I hope this doesn’t come across as trite… but I love you. I hope you feel the embrace of the universe and know that love cannot be created or destroyed. His love for you still exists even though he has left you. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.