I just feel like there isn’t anything worth living for. Everyone could go on just fine without me. I’m 50 and in a career transition and being talked into continuing an MBA program. It seemed like a good idea at first and I was told I could quit if I didn’ like it…but now I’m being shamed into sticking with it.
What I really wanted to do was start my own home baking business. But that got poo-pooed.
I should have listened to the knot in my stomach, which usually steers me away from things that most likely are bad…but I didn’t this time.
I know, I probably sound like an idiot, not wanting the education, but I already earned a Ph.D. 20+ years ago, made enough money to live on until I die…
I just want to do helpful things in the community at a minimum.
I’m struggling with thoughts of not wanting to wake up because, gee, I should really be grateful for this opportunity…but I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever use this in the future since it endsup I’m not great at it and don’t really find it that interesting…
It makes me feel a bit better just writing this. My husband,lucky for him, doesn’t understand depression and also chose to, for the most part, ignore my alcoholism diagnosis (I’m sober almost 2 years, I was defined as a high functioning” alcoholic.)
I would really just like to find a job and be able to fit in bicycling, because that helps so much to keep these thoughts at bay. I don’t cycle much right now because I’m so bad at and unmotivated fot the MBA that can’t fit in the cycling…
Thanks for having this forum
I feel a little better just getting this all out of my head and down in words.
With kindest regards for all on this site
Sebi
3 comments
How far into the MBA program are you? Ultimately, if you don’t want to complete it, you don’t have to. What prevented your home-baking business from launching? There’s nothing wrong with volunteering in the community. No doubt, there are plenty of organizations that can use your contributions. If you can afford it, go for it. Volunteering my also give you a reason to wake up in the morning… and that might help give you a sense of purpose. I’m glad that you’ve been sober for two years. That’s a great accomplishment. Nice going. Assuming you don’t complete the MBA, what type of work are you interested in? I enjoy going on a nice long bike ride… especially on a warm day with not too much wind. There is a park nearby with bike paths.
Have you sought assistance for your depression? Maybe it will help to get some advice and strategy? Depression can sometimes be a difficult road to navigate alone. I hope that things come together for you… This forum can be a big help… even if it’s just to get some of your thoughts and stresses out.
Once again I find myself agreeing with distant.road’s sage advice. I too congratulate you on being sober for 2 years…that’s no mean feat and shows great courage. You sound like a very accomplished person, a PHD is no easy feat either, well done. I used to cycle a lot too, every day but haven’t for many years now as PTSD, depression and the rest of it has just demotivated me. I even bought a new bike but haven’t ridden it so I get where you’re at with that. You’re welcome to post on SP and know that you’re in amongst people who understand and won’t judge you.
Thank you so much for your feedback. Sorry for the delay, but I forgot my password.
And thank you for reinforcing that this is a safe place to post and people understand and won’t judge. I can’t tell you how important having this forum is for me. I’m better at writing my thoughts. Plus, there are so few good listeners in the world…I really appreciate just being listend to.
Thanks again
sebi