Hi my name is Ariel and I’m thirteen. This is honestly my last resort. I know that when people see “suicidal teens” they assume that they are “faking it” but I assure you that I wouldn’t be doing this unless absolutely necessecary. I am so scared. I tried to sleep a little bit ago but I couldn’t with my racing mind and I have been so scared that I think I might throw up. Basically, I am a very big over-thinker. Very, very big over-thinker. Lately I’ve been thinking so much that I actually don’t feel like myself and I cannot express in words how absolutely terrifying that is. It is so confusing to explain and it makes me feel so scared that I just want to end it all. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. And even those thoughts scare me. Even the thought of suicidal thoughts scares me, however confusing that may seem. I don’t know what to do. This sucks… a lot. However, reading the post that lead me to registering this account gave me a little bit of hope and let me know that having these thoughts is okay. That let me breathe a little. I am seeing a therapist because I have other issues including deprssion and a previous eating disorder. And I know, you are probably thinking that I am full of crap; a teenager with a previous eating disorder and depression, but I don’t care. I’ve tried to tell my mom about these feelings but it’s hard to explain. Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel normal is going on the internet or watching tv and she just assumes I am being a lazy teenager. I don’t want to tell her about… my… suicidal feelings (God that scares me even saying it) because if I did then that would make everything real. I just don’t know what to do. I’m going to tell my therapist I think. My mom would cry if I told her about these things, and that is the last thing I want. I need help
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Talk about it.
You can talk and feel relife or you can end it.
Or you can continue like me,and you will end up in deep issues.
Talk and accept it like you have feaver . There is nothing to be scared of.
We are going to die anyway. I have long history of over thingijg. Thinking all the time,to much,about silly and things that doesnt matter.
So,talk ,talk. Silence and sleep wont help ya.
litlemisbuterflies, I’m glad you have reached out and spoken here. I very much hope you will tell your therapist about your thoughts. I don’t think you are ‘full of crap’ at all! There are so many reasons one might have those feelings and those problems, and having suffered myself, I would never, ever judge another or dismiss their feelings. Please keep reaching out. You deserve help and support and understanding. Don’t feel ashamed or judged. You are in good company. So many people throughout history — smart, talented, fascinating people, good people, kind people — all kinds have suffered in these ways and wrestled with these feelings. Please do talk. Please know that your future is still full of mystery and promise, and it may surprise you utterly. Stay with us. We are with you in spirit, and with all who understand this kind of suffering. May we hope.
When I tried to kill myself at age 24, my mother’s response was “she’s always been dramatic.” My therapist responded, “Well, your daughter’s dramatic almost killed her. Don’t you think we should do something about it?” And he did. He helped me start to live, but it took a lot of work.
No, you’re not faking it. It’s real. On a homeopathic level, I would highly recommend hatha yoga from a real yoga instructor, not at a fitness center. A good yoga teacher can help you calm your mind by focusing on your body.
The others on here have also given you great support and ideas. You are not alone, perhaps actually very talented once your mind learns to focus.
Sending love and support.
Vedura
I love this ^^^^^ advice for this situation.
Also, with as much hope as I may lack, YOU are young & it will be so much easier for you to tackle this compared to us old dogs. So, ignore your mother unless she is 100% supportive, & get help elsewhere. Definitely tell your therapist. Maybe you need to add/tweak meds. They can help with dopamine and focus.
This message from a girl your age tells me how bright you are. Don’t give up!!!
You most certainly are not alone on this. I can relate to exactly what your speaking of with an active mind. It doesn’t matter that your only 13. I’ve always had an very active mind growing up and I am 26 now. And I still do. Movies and tv or games gives me a distraction enough as well so I know what you mean. This fear that you are experiencing I belive is a result of anxiety. I am not a professional by any means, but like i said, I can relate personally and I am speaking from my personal experiences. I am overly analytical due to this myself. Growing up it really wasn’t much of a problem for me personally. It actually helped me. Enforced me in the unsought emotional independent situation I had to survive in. Kept me one step ahead things and prepared constantly for whatever was to happen next. Certainly led to restless nights, cause it’s not something that you can just turn on and off persay. When my mind grabbed ahold of something and fixate on it to an extreme I couldn’t back it down sometimes even if I longed to. And an active mind certainly leads to anxiety in my opinion. They tend to go hand in hand. It certainly is worth while to be open and honest with someone that can assist you with this so it doesn’t spiral out of control for you. There are medications that are common for helping with anxiety. It “takes the edge off” if you will slowing things down to your control allowing you to feel “normal” if there is such a thing lol. And hopefully this works for you. They did work to assist me, but I no longer take medication. I have tried twice now but couldn’t stand to continue over a month or so. I have always had a good memory, mainly with numbers and audible things. But the medication would cause “memory lapses” for me. I found my self losing keys and not remembering the simplest things that I never had problems with before and it was in fortunately a side effect of the medications. And I hated that so stopped the meds. I feel that I am for the most part in control. I don’t know if total control is even possible, as my mind still runs faster and longer then I want at times, but it’s managable. I keep it “entertained” and “occupied” if you will. Suicide is a place better unexplored at your age. I am pro choice on the matter persay, but I also know that ignorance can be bliss and is ok at times. And if your active mind is like mine then it leaves no stone unturned when it grabs onto something. And if yours is grabbing onto suicide, please, seek help. Be open and honest. And if you are not being treated with respect and listened to or understood by someone, don’t let that detour you from seeking assistance from someone else that can. Cause there are decent ppl out there that are understanding and conpassionate enough to help you deal with all this. I wish the best of luck to you. You can always talk to me or others here as well.
When I tried to kill myself at age 24, my mother’s response was “she’s always been dramatic.” My therapist responded, “Well, your daughter’s dramatic almost killed her. Don’t you think we should do something about it?” And he did. He helped me start to live, but it took a lot of work.
No, you’re not faking it. It’s real. On a homeopathic level, I would highly recommend hatha yoga from a real yoga instructor, not at a fitness center. A good yoga teacher can help you calm your mind by focusing on your body. Tai chi can do the same. When your body is moving and you concentrate on that movement, it helps to calm your mind
The others on here have also given you great support and ideas. You are not alone, perhaps actually very talented once your mind learns to focus. I posted this twice because it ended up as a reply to anothers response the first time.
Sending love and support.
Vedura
Hi Ariel,
Your post has caught my attention. You see, I have a younger sister that was going though something similar. She would often wake me up in the middle of the night to talk to me about her thoughts, her lack of emotion and amongst all, her desire to take her own life. She mentioned living a life without meaning, a life, that she felt wasn’t normal, and feeling like she just couldn’t “turn” the happiness switch on. It took me a while to find the right words – almost as if I just couldn’t find a way to convince her that life is truly worth living, and there was a time that I was genuinely scared that she would actually do it.
Our parents saw her as “just another depressed teen” or “its just a phase”. I didn’t. In fact, the reason as to why I felt horrible is because I could understand where she was coming from and I too had at one point in my life, asked myself the very same questions. She had eating disorders, a side effect of her lack of interest in continuing living her life. The more she aged, the worse she would get. At the time, I truly felt as if I was losing her.
However there was a turning point. One of those nights when she would just pour out her thoughts and tears out to me, I finally found the words to convince her, and I’ll say the same to you. Like yourself Ariel, I too over think everything: life, society, school, love, etc. I know what it is like to feel this way, but I’ll go ahead and tell you something: stop labeling yourself. I often feel like Im watching the world from afar, pretending to be just like everybody else but knowing that I am not. There is nothing wrong with being this way. We are a special kind of people – we have been blessed with an extremely analytical mind. There aren’t many people like us. Think about it, would you really like to live life in any other way? Of course not. Sometimes I think to myself “wow I wish I could be just like these people, so happy and care free. I wish I didn’t have all these thoughts floating around my head all the time”. The problem is the type of world that we live in, where everything has to be “normal”. The truth is, there is no “normal” in this world. Everyone has unique thoughts and feelings – everyone, as some point feigns happiness and pretend to be just like everybody else. They just don’t show it because they’re afraid to do so. We are no exception. We over think and we feel like this is a curse. Its not, its a true gift! Life has no purpose other than to be lived through your own version of happiness, not the social “norm”. As you grow older, you’ll understand that the majority of life is superficial – in the end you’ll live a life that revolves around emotion and other people that think like yourself. You’ll find them – no, you’ll attract them to yourself just by being who you are. Life is beautiful and is worth living. You are here, and are meant to live through your own unique way.
My sister told me that this was the turning point for her. She told me that she no longer felt like she was “sick” or not “normal”. She no longer felt the need to diagnose herself with a disorder or to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. She told me that for the first time, she felt at peace, and had time to use her over-analytical brain to live life in her own way. And trust me, she was at a point that no amount of therapy, doctors or talking to “professionals”could help her change her mind. Im not going to lie to you, this is not something that goes away overnight, its an idea that you learn to accept and love over time. You’ll be surprised just how much more you can see when you stop using the majority of your brain to find something wrong with yourself! Personally I am at a point of my life that I am grateful for having these thoughts – after you turn 18, trust me, you will want to thin about EVERYTHING.
Everything works out in the end. Life has no purpose, except for the pursuit of your version of happiness.
Well, I sincerely hope that this helps a bit, and I also hope that it wasn’t too much of a bore to read.
P.S. Oh yeah, and I don’t recommend that you take medication. You see, medications suppress certain “emotional” responses from your brain, and they can eventually lead to some form of addiction. Nowadays doctors and psychologists love to “label” people and hand out medication to “treat” them. Try not to resort to this. Remember there’s nothing abnormal or wrong with you, you’re not sick, you’re just a unique thinker. Medicine is for colds, not overly active minds 🙂
Ariel,
I think it’s safe to say that nobody here thinks you are “faking it” or “full of crap.” My view is that due to the state of the world and how society has progressed, children and teenagers nowadays are forced to grow up a lot faster and with this comes deeper problems that young people in previous generations were not faced with. I think many adults do not understand this and tend to write off younger folks as being “dramatic” when they express their problems.
Being an over-thinker can be a real pain much of the time (I know this from experience!). But it can also be a positive when you learn how to channel it properly.
If you aren’t quite ready to tell your mother about everything you are going through, I think that’s okay. But I believe it’s a good idea to tell your therapist as much as you feel you can so they can help you as much as possible. And in addition to that, I’m sure there are plenty of folks on this website who are happy to listen whenever you feel like posting.
Best of luck with everything.
L4Y
Litlemisbutterflies, I think you are the youngest auther I have seen in this website so far. I am also only 18 and have been struggling with depression for over 5 years now. So you really are like me and I can relate to your story. I am here to help. Contact me if you want/ask anything. Firstly I wanted to tell you that life is full of agony and full of joy. Sometimes we are too blind to see all the blessings in the world and I call that state of mind: depression. Overthinking is a huge reason why people are depressed, so my advice is that you should keep yourself very busy with hobbies school etc. You will be suprised how much it will improve your life. Try to keep yourself too busy to think about the agony of life. About the therapist I think you shouldn’t tell her/him unless you are planning a suicide. I know how much it scares parents to know that your child is suicidal. I think you can get through hard times surrounding yourself with people who might help!
Take care, Lots of Love!