Hard times

I have been feeling severely depressed for the last week & a half. I think it’s a combination of things…been keeping a secret about getting back together w/ my on again off again boyfriend. Finally came out to my friends about it. They all hate him because of what he has done to me in the past. Severe betrayal that I won’t go into. One of my best friends is no longer talking to me. My other good friends dad recently died. He was like a second father to me growing up. That’s been tough. She didn’t even call me. Then I had my birthday 2 weeks ago & most of my friends just ignored it. Fuck! It feels like people don’t care. Haven’t been going to work. Calling in sick & just laying around in my dark apartment all day. Recently discovered that on top of having depression & anxiety disorder, I may have borderline personality disorder. That would actually explain a lot. Dark thoughts of suicide & self harm. Wanted relief. Cut up my leg. Helped a bit. Wondering if I should call crisis line. I do have a history of suicide attempts & self harm.