I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I only hurt people that are close to me. All my girlfriend wants to do is help and I’m so afraid of losing her, but all I do is push her away. I punch holes in the wall, hurt myself (never her!), and cry all the time. I actually can’t even remember a day where I didn’t break down and cry. I feel like my life is meaningless and I always question people’s reasoning for even being around me. If I had the choice, I’d leave myself and never come back. I’m just a worthless piece of trash that deserves nothing. I certainly don’t deserve all of the kindness that my girlfriend has given me. She is such a good person and I love her to death, but why can’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I be happy that I’ve found someone that I love so deeply (at least I think so)? But I’m not, I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy to be honest. Some days it takes all that I have to get out of bed and EVERYDAY I fight the urge to jerk the wheel into the opposite lane. Quick and easy, although I might hurt someone else in the process (no surprise there I suppose). I’m not sure what I should do. Really, I wish that I was blissfully ignorant of everything–of my worthlessness, of how fucked up the world is, of how terrible can be and have been. It’s kind of funny. I thought that life would be easier or brighter once I was released from high school (which I hated going to every single day), but from what I can tell, I must have been my happiest there. Who knows if anything will change. I’m really not sure why I’m even writing here. I guess to let it out some other way. I’m kind of tired of hurting myself and feeling the guilt when my girlfriend sees the marks. Well thanks for reading my nonexistent problems. I really am sorry if it has brought you down–I tend to do that to people. At least I don’t have to see you being brought down in front of me. Wow I’m extremely selfish. I guess just another problem to add into the mix, although I was already aware of it.
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I feel exactly the same way you not alone I feel like theres this dark shadow over my head and no matter where I go I seem to drag it along with me I hurt the people that love and care about me I’ve become so used to being alone and pushing people away that now it just comes naturally to me I’ve never had a relationship that has lasted more than a week atleast you have a girlfriend that loves and understands you try to not lose her
You dont have to apologize for posting your issues and your struggles here. that is what this forum is for. We all have things we need to vent about and somebody here might know what you are going through and be able to help. Well it seems like your at a place where you angry, upset, frustrated and unsure about the future. Well lots of people go through such issues. For starters I think you need to not be so hard on yourself. Your not worhtless and your life is not meaningless. Your just in a difficult stage in life. We all go through these things. First thing I would like to say is dont hurt yourself when your upset. If you need to vent then exercise, go for a jog, lift weights. punch a punching bag or something like that. But dont hurt yourself. That doesnt do you or anybody any good. Also if you are upsett that you mght have been over the top with your girlfriend, like ushing her away or upsetting her in some way, then I suggest you just call her and apologize and try not to act that way with her. If your ever in a freak out mode…. you might just want to stay away from her and be alone so you dont say something or do something to upsett her. Crying is not bad. Sometimes I wish I would cry more to just get my feelings out but I dont cry often. When I do cry I feel better after. If your having suiidal tendencies….. Like you say you feel like you feel like you want to cross the lae when driving and crashing. You might want to get some help before you acutally wind up doing something like that. If you did something like that you have no idea what mess that could be.
I think you should see a Psychiatrist. I really do. I used to have sever depression and nxiety and suicidal thoughts like that > then I went to see Psych doctor and he put me on meds and I got stabilized and it helped a LOT. That heavy depression and anxiety went away and then I was able to make better choices in my life and make things better.
Dont look down on yourself… your just going through some issues. We all do. People of all walks of life have issues to deal with and get overwhelmed at times. But I think you should get some help. See if there is a Psychiatrist in your area you can see. or a couselor or something.
I can’t tell you how much I get you I really do and I’m not sure how to help you that’s what I usually want to do when I comment (help). But if I can help in anyway at all I want to take this comment to be helpful to you’re girlfriend. You say everyone brings you down but you she tries to help you and even if you think she might not be able to help , help her! help her by letting her in and letting her AT LEAST TRY TO HELP YOU. The reason I’m telling you this is because I’ve been on her side as well and it hurts more than you know to see the only person trying and loving you hurting enlighten her pain because it could help you with yours. God knows if I had someone like your girlfriend in my life I wouldn’t shut them out. On this sight we are all strong strong enough to let our weakness be shown in what we write. You’ve already took the first step without knowing it now its time to try and run no matter how broken you feel. Well I hope you take my advice into consideration and I hope all will be well soon.