Sad.

Today is my 19th birthday… life isn’t appealing.  I started feeling depressed after I moved when I was 10. Now, almost a decade later it hasn’t vanished.  I’ve tried solving my problem but I can’t seem to discover the cure for lack of motivation.  Everywhere I search the answer is to apply myself to a goal, pursue my dreams.  How can I do that if I have no such things… What is worst is that everyone has the highest expectations for me.  I’ve been branded genius by psychologists and could’ve pursued any career I wanted.  This year I entered my country’s most prestigious engineering school, studying Electrical Engineering, yet it brings me no joy.  Most of my fellow classmates wished they were in Aerospace or Engineering Physics… I think they resent me for being in this course instead of the best in their eyes.  I am surrounded by a lot of people, yet I feel alone in the crowd.  I have no one to lean on.  My family cannot know about this because my aunt is fighting cancer with all her strength and here I am complaining about my life.  I can’t seem to shake off this perpetual dark cloud that haunts me so, but I know that I cannot live much longer like this.  I’ve tried committing suicide twice before, one by electrocution and the other by jumping off a cliff, but got cold feet.  What is wrong with me?  I know there are people struggling to live in much worse situations than me, yet I am sad and ask for comprehension.  Thank you.