BEFORE CONTINUING ON MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING AND I’M NOT RECOMMENDING ANYONE TO RESORT TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been over consumed with death and suicide. I have been dealing with big upcoming decisions and stress. Also I have been suffering with a huge increase of panic and anxiety attacks. I do goto counseling and take meds daily. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with both mood and anxiety disorders.
I have been using my coping skills and yes they work, however it wasn’t enough. I have been exhibiting manic symptoms even though I’m not bipolar.
As a teenager I used to dabble in cutting and self mutilating, but stopped on my own. Last night I couldn’t take the feelings I was having anymore. Now earlier that day I was feeling extremely down and using a folded straw corner to apply pressure to my skin to relieve some stress and it worked then. Well at bedtime I had been awake for almost 36 hours but couldn’t sleep. The stress pressure was to great. So the only thing I thought of was to cut.
Well it worked like a charm. I made sure NOT to break the skin, but OMG what a relief I felt. I was able to sleep like a baby. When I woke up I had the urge to cut again and I did, and I have had an amazing day. Hopefully this doesn’t become a habit again, but at least during this time its helping big time.