There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Greetings. I created an account just now– but I’ve been reading some posts here for quite some time. I hope this type of post is acceptable.
At first glance, you won’t really see me for who I am.
They see a curious wanderer, a determined overachiever, a hopeful soul, an enthusiastic teenager.
They say I bring sunshine, rainbows and butterflies wherever I go.
They think I’m awake at 3 in the morning because I’m eager to learn more about this world, because I’m comforting someone who needs my help, because I’m out running.
And at second glance, you still won’t see me for who I […]
So I had a relapse last night. Ive struggled with heroin addiction for about ten or twelve years.
So I scored last night and the dealer accidentally gave me double what I asked for. His fuck up right…. good for me right…..
No. Not good for me. I had this messed up reaction. Ive od’ed a few times and just passed out. But this time I stayed awake. It felt like my heart was stopping. My breathing was getting shallower and shallower. Vision blurred and body was trembling all over. This is it I thought. Im going. Next comes eternal darkness. I was […]
I’m sorry, You got such a fucked up child. You got someone that doesn’t care as much as you do. I’m sorry that I yell, and I roll my eyes, and that I can’t wait to leave.
I was awake this morning. I heard you pray for me before leaving at 4 am for work. I realized you did this every morning.
I’m sorry that I don’t get the best grades. I’m sorry that I’m not the prettiest or the fittest.
I’m sorry that I don’t appreciate this life. You try so hard to provide for me and I just ruin everything.
I’m sorry that you have to stay […]
I live in a truly depressing dump, I don’t have the will to do anything and I spend hours awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I think I am sliding into insanity. I’ve got no friends – only aging parents to lean on. I’ve been on new medication for almost a month and it’s not working so far – only given me Insomnia. Laughably, I’m in the doctors every few days fighting to live a life that is truly awful – and to top it all I truly look like I’ve been dragged through hell. Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been a loner for thirty […]
I think I have the flu. Last night at work which was a horrible night in itself I started to feel weak tired headachy and sore. Kept having to sit down. Felt like I was burning up, later on found a thermometer and at 100.7 I definitely confirmed my suspicions. My mood took a hard crash in the meanwhile, feeling overly hopeless. I slept on and off for most of the past day, about to go back to sleep again. I am too tired to feel much of anything right now. I’ve only been awake because the animals gotta eat and I finally felt hungry […]
It’s hard for me to sleep. It’s 1:04 AM here and I am still awake. My sleep patterns are getting weird. And I am sure I won’t sleep until 5:00 Am. I just lay awake at night, losing myself in thought and contemplating my doom and misfortune. I think I need to get myself on sleeping pills. Any suggestions?!!??
Just slept for almost 24 hours. Had a stomach bug at work and couldn’t leave, because we were short-handed. So when I got home at 7am yesterday, I guess my body was like wtf. Now, it’s almost 4am, and I’m awake. And it’s so incredibly lonely. Life is so lonely. I didn’t want to get out of bed and be reminded of that.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It’s that time of night again, when I am wide awake and all the rest of you are asleep.
SP is so quiet I can hear the sound of my disturbing thoughts rattling around like a tin can in a dark alley. The alley everyone knows you need to stay away from if you value your safety.
So many of us have been gone lately.
I miss AlanOminous, I miss ToTrees, I miss Mf.
I miss those of us who have gone, possibly gone forever.
And I wonder […]
I’m wide awake. I’d rather be asleep but I’m having horrible allergies today. Spent a lot of time outside and the trees are greening up and flowering and I’m getting crazy spring allergies. Even with medication. I spent my outside time working on one of my gardens, this year I want to have two, one just for flowers and plants, the other for vegetables, fruits and herbs. I planted two hydrangeas and moved a bunch of plants to a different area. I don’t really have that much garden space so I have to be creative. I am so alive when I work outside in the […]
thank you everyone for your support. i’m awake now and doing alright, feeling sick but hopefully that will pass soon. this community has been so nonjudgmental and kind throughout this all, i really appreciate it. thank you so much guys, love you all.
as far as feelings… i’m angry that i failed again, angry that i tried to begin with… when did things start getting so bad that it seems impossible that things will get better? my mind is scattered, i feel like a failure. i’m just glad i wasnt found while i was out… i might find my way into the psych ward again, but […]
I’ve have slept through three alarms, miraculously I’m awake relatively early in the morning.
I’ll lay here, on my sleeping bag, wool blanket, yoga mat combination for an hour at least.
Neglecting all needs.
Half ass wondering what has sucked pleasure from my life and has left me a husk, a shadow of my former self.
Until I stop carrying and I day dream of much more entertaining thoughts.
Like, wouldn’t it be nice;
If I woke up in an alternate world.
Woke up in a game.
Or not at all, and instead of day dreaming about life that could be… Oh fuck it, you’re stuck.
Now don’t be worried if I don’t reply straight away I’ve been awake for 3 days straight technically 4 days since it’s 4:36am
I’m losing it. I’m breaking. I can’t sleep. The moments I do pass out I find myself suddenly awake. Like when you have a nightmare. Or hear a loud noise. I need to find somewhere else to go. I need to leave this place. I can’t go on like this. I want to die. I want it to end. As if being trapped in my head was bad enough. I’m reliving this nightmare. And I just want to dream.
Me-Already been laying here 3 hour
insomnia – haha yeah and I’m wide awake
me-my eyes burn Close eye
insomnia -u can close your eyes it don’t stop your brain from thinking about your whole life right til now
me-you do I we’ve almost been up 24hours
insomina – haha yeah so what who needs sleep ?
You managed to wake me up at 6:00 a.m. Because you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t find pills. I was in a dead sleep which is rare for me to come by in this house. Now I can’t fall asleep again. I’m wide awake and afraid to sleep. I even got out of bed to help you find the pills. I was so drowsy that I forgot where I put them. You found them in your room after running around the house looking. I was asleep. You could have let me sleep. I even got up and put on another layer of clothes. I hate sleeping […]
It’s time for me to talk. I’m ready. I’m here. I have time reply now.
15 hours left.
I didn’t sleep last night. I laid awake on a couch. I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid to sleep. Now all I want to do is sleep as I get ready for that pointless test. I’ve realized. This is my last day on earth. Everything I do today is the last. From eating, to pretending like im going to be alive the next day. In about 2 hours I will be back to it. I might sleep for a while. I might stay up for the next 13 hours. I don’t know. I’m tired. I’m so tired. Not just in a […]