These pictures are from today….I am the person who never did this… but the combination of not being able to trust new contacts, thus making it impossible to life a normal life and the fact that my ex girlfriend might have given me soa’s;there have been 10+ guys so the chances are rather high…. has removed all boundaries which i did have before.
This carnage started this weekend; I destroyed my bike. I smashed my head into a wall until I tasted blood… I nol longer feel that there is anything positive on me. Which is being confirmed by people because of these “outbursts” but they forget that had I not that it would had been my ex who would had been hurt with probably a lot of damage…. I never want to hurt her… but this all, it makes it very difficult to remain a good person.
Jumping, rope or exit bag… I have still not yet decided what will be the one that kills me. I am wondering if it is possible to break one’s own neck.
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Man… there’s still positive things about you. Self destructing won’t help at all, even if it’s a quick release. If you are going to end it eventually try to make things a bit more bearable for yourself on your final time…. i’ve seen your health complaints from time to time and i know that it’s hell (i have awful health and share many of your afflictions) so kudos to you for enduring it.
And yeah, i guess one can break his own neck (i’ve known of cases where it has happened by accident) but i can’t even imagine how you’d end up if you failed.
thanks you for these words
I know all the positive things about myself. But my memory has become shit, I might actually have alzheimer at the age of 27…. that is how often I hit my head these months… the weed also does not help…. but it is all process to get myself to the point in which I know that I can handle that 0.3 second at which my life goes away from my body. I am simply done with suffering… to hurt myself is pleasant … my perspective of the world is upside down…
onetime in 2009 when my ex girlfriend (id call her a user not a girlfriend) screwed me over (the second one after Lois) called, I instantly had a panic attack, then scratched my arms up hard with a nickel, then stared laid there staring at the ceiling fixated on one spot for hours.
welcome to my last few months, I am glad to read that i am not “crazy” 🙂
thank you
It took awhile to read a whole of your story…and I just want to say that… *inhale*
SHE DOESN’T WORTH YOUR PAAAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNN!!!!
*exhale* end of story.
Option 1 :
Get a grip of yourself, and think about it.
I won’t saying that there are lots of other girl in this planet, etcetc. I just saying if she doesn’t appreciate you, but you still want to stuck with her. It’ll only drug you and consume you eventually (probably you already knew about this, aren’t you?). I’m sorry to hear your story, but really. You worth more without her. Move on and just focusing on other positive things. Distracting yourself from her like doing chores, freelancing, doing some charity, sports, fitness, or video games. Your true love maybe still waiting out there.
Variable ending : Good Ending.
Option 2 :
Play her too, but what you reap is what you sow.
Variable ending : Bad Ending.
Your choice, I just want to make it a little bit simple.. but I prefer #1.
Btw, get well soon on your arm. Take care dude!
Thank you, it is almost better. Today now is my birthday and yesterday was the start of her sleeping with others… I have been quite okay, but last night the same shit happened.. nothing too bad as I feel irritated with the questions about the existing scars. So I only hit my head against the wall and only have a concussion now… But i had so many that it hardly matters.
But after I did this I do feel rather disconnected from people, somehow I have the feeling that I know human nature quite well.. and I started to think that for YEARS we have self harmed ourselves in the name of Christ… But if we do it without the excuse of God and are completely honest about our own reasons then it is looked down upon as a mental illness..
happy birthday munckin
Thank you