I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. I feel so alone, and undesirable. I am fully engrossed in nothing that I do, even though I appear to be. I want out but I cannot deal with how my family would take it. I feel guilty and ashamed for having these thoughts. I am worthless. I am never truly happy. I am never the first choice. I am nothing.
I need help. I don’t want to ask for it. Although I’ve been told I am spiralling downwards. My friends do not know how I feel. They fall for the façade that is my happy life. I want nothing more than to be rid of this body, this life, yet I can’t. I cannot start over. I cannot be a different person. I am me, and I am a failure.
2 comments
Don’t feel guilty for how you feel. Feelings are just feelings. I understand this because all my long life I have done the same. I’ve felt so wrong for hurting. :-[
Listen to yourself. See the person beyond this pain and sorrow. See how difficult it is and try to give yourself a moment, however small, of compassion. Find something happy, find distractions from your pain.
Take one moment at a time. I wish you the best. Life can improve- keep trying. I have dealt with my depression, pain, sorrow, hurts and I am finding my way. It is not easy but I don’t want to die feeling this.
I hope for a bright Friday for you!
So many people feel just like you do. I know I do every waking second of every day. Its terribly hard. This world and life is definitely a challenge, a test or a learning experience for sure. Either that or we asked for free will to screw up as much as we could lol. In any event, I try to say to myself just enjoy things and struggle as best as I can until I cant fight anymore. Having faith and belief in something higher than our pitiful lives in the scheme of things helps me immensely. Our planet is one of trillions of trillions of trillions unto infinity within creation. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make the pain any easier but it does give me hope at least that there’s a higher purpose and a order to things that while we don’t understand it, its probably scripted based on some perfection.
I know how you feel, I feel the same way. I feel like words can’t quite describe my feelings or the hopelessness that exists. Our mistakes and our regrets doom us don’t they. Whatever will be will be but we can make the best of things for as long as we can, cant we?